Short-tempered ATC

[Guest]

Perhaps some creative editing/urban myth involved, but fun reading nonetheless. Email from a friend today:-------Original Message------- Here are some conversations that airline passengersnormally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world: ============= While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a USAir flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at theUS Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right ontoCharlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stopright there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C' and D', but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she wasnow shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and Iwant you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communicationsfrequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engagingthe irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence andkeyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" =========== A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had anexceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hardright turn at the end of the runway, if you are able... If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." =========== Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoffqueue: "I'm f...ing bored!"Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, notf...ing stupid!" =========== Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contactDeparture on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching toDeparture. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behindEastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared fortakeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers" =========== The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport arerenowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear ofactive runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate AlphaOne-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowedto a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vhere you aregoing?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up ourgate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but Ididn't stop." =========== O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to saythis... I've got the little Fokker in sight." =========== A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance inMunich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, vhat is our startclearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you mustspeak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying aGerman airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautifulBritish accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

[Guest]

A couple I hadn't heard before there - good stuff! :-lol :-lol :-lol

[Guest outtatimeiii]

Now that was funny! LOL I bet a lot of people in the comp lab at my college (during time before classes) was wondering why I was laughing so hard LOL. I had a good laugh right through that. That made my day :) !

[Guest]

Absolutely Excellent stuff.I'm gona make a copy of this for my flying school hehe :-lolWillhttp://ftp.avsim.com/dcforum/User_files/3deb3be16daac29d.jpg

[Guest Richard_H]

This reminds me of the old standard (ships not planes mind you). Whether it is true or not is another matter, there are many versions of it. A classic all the same....-----------------------This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship, with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recomend you divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER U.S.S. LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THATS ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[Guest Toni Rauch]

Brilliant, and so totally believable !!:-lol :-lol Toni.

[Guest]

something for FS2004 -> stupid answers set to random :D

[Guest]

ive heard the ship one about a million thimes.....and i still laugh :D

[Guest crashing_pilot]

thanks a lot,you guys just made my day :-):-lol :-lol :-lol :-lol :-lol :-lol