On a lighter note:

[moss1 11]

Hey everyone, I was just going through the forums and saw some of the usual new release stuff, and thought this would be a laugh for some to lighten things up a bit. While reading a freeware review on the Tim Mouse 200, I stumbled upon a 737 site that has some neat stuff. The following was from Flight Attendant Humor. I hope some enjoy this. The site by the way is:http://www.b737.org.uk/ There are some links at the bottom of the page that got me to this. Sorry if this has been posted before, but it at least gave me a few chuckles after a down in the dumps kind of day. I hope I did not break any rules by posting this. If I did, I am so sorry, and please delete this post.Anyway, here ya go....Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: ********************************************************Lufthansa Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it could affect the flight trim."********************************************************On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."********************************************************"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."********************************************************After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."********************************************************As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"********************************************************After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as #### everything has shifted."********************************************************From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.********************************************************In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child...pick your favorite.********************************************************Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."********************************************************"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."********************************************************Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said: "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."********************************************************"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."********************************************************"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."********************************************************On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."********************************************************"Last one off the plane must clean it.********************************************************From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!********************************************************Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants fault...it was the asphalt!"********************************************************Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"********************************************************Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."********************************************************An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"********************************************************After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."********************************************************Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."********************************************************Heard on the preflight safety demo: "This is a non-smoking flight. It it illegal to smoke cigarettes or anything that will take you higher than our planned cruising altitude."

[Trans_27 Pilot Chase 59]

lmao! I love it! It's nice to have a little humor every now and then. :9

[Guest jaapverduijn]

It's amazing how creative those fly guys and fly gals can be! There's lots of this stuff around, most of it very funny indeed.On of the absolute toppers, to my evil mind, is about the British airline captain who asked Frankfurt am Main (Germany) for directions to the airport. The irritated reply from the tower was: "Scheisse! Have you never been to Frankfurt before?" After a few seconds of ominous silence the captain dryly retorted: "Sure, twice. But it was night, and we didn't land".Must be some time ago, but still a beauty!Jaap Verduijn.

[Murmur 3,941]

Very funny LOLThis is my favourite, hope it doesn't get censored..."At LHRBA is holding short for departure, Virgin is holding short as nr 2Virgin: Tower could you ask BA if we could depart as nr 1, we have a tight slot..BA: Of course, we'll do anything for a virgin with a tight slot."Marco

[Guest jaapverduijn]

That's a beauty (evil grin)!Jaap.

[EngineRoom 205]

Three weeks ago I flew home from the Falklands Islands on an Air Atlanta 747-300 chartered out to the Royal Air Force.On walking out from the passenger terminal across the apron to the waiting 747 the RAF ground crews were arrayed in a long line, all dancing and singing to "We've got to get out of this place, if it's the last thing we ever do!" blasting out from the loudspeakers :)The Air Atlanta flight crew were having a bit of fun too, the FO made the announcement "Cabin crew be seated for blast off!".Then as we climbed out of the Falklands en route to Ascension Island we had an RAF Tornado F3 flying on our wing for about 20 minutes :)

[Guest blaster331]

Now that was a great way to statr a day! with a big laugh.Thanks Jeff, hope this will catch on.It is so refreshingBest regardsAndrew

[Guest airbus2]

Some of the good ones i have heard:O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight." Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers." Dave

[moss1 11]

Hi Andrew, I am so happy that everyone reading has enjoyed this. With all the daily grind, stress etc... It is indeed very refreshing to get a laugh from the one thing we all love so much....Aviation. You should check out the website. Its facts show how the 737 has progressed over the years. The 737 just turned 40 years old recently, when I was just three years of age.

[Guest dpc]

All really great stuff! Thanks to the OP for starting it.

[Luis Hernandez 566]

I remember seeing a trip report in Airliners.net about the Lufthansa A380 test flights. Here is the excerpt I want you to look at:"Somewhere over the Atlantic the Captain came on the PA and said that the people on the left side could remark a small jet of British Airways which we are overhauling right now. You couldn't miss his giggle in his voice. As everybody looked outside we saw the small jet -- it was a B747 of BA!"The full trip report (exciting, but not as hilarious as the excerpt I posted) is at http://www.airliners.net/discussions/trip_...ead.main/97350/Best regards from ColombiaLuis Miguel