Was she a blonde Stan?

Noel

The best allegedly true computer story I've ever run across occurred some years ago in New York City. A fellow bought a new HP laptop, took it home, plugged it in, and enjoyed using it for two days. Suddenly on day three nothing worked. The new computer wouldn't even turn on. Nothing to do but call the HP support line in search of help. The computer tech walked the fellow through all the usual steps,,.is it the power cord plugged into the back of the computer?...is the other end of the power cord plugged into the wall?...have you pushed the button that starts the computer? To which the fellow answered yes, yes, and yes. Not knowing what else to do the computer tech then asked how long had it been since the computer last worked. To which the customer replied.....drum roll....."since just before the electricity went out".

At that point the tech said..."please sir, put the computer  put it back in the original  box and return it to the store. I'll call them and arrange for a full refund. The reason I'm doing this is that you're just too word-not-allowed stupid to own a computer."

Edited December 20, 20205 yr by W2DR
kant spel

If it was a laptop shouldn't it have worked with the battery when the power went off?  Didn't the tech check that out?  If not  maybe the computer tech was too NWA stupid to have the job.

Noel

Beats me.............

19 minutes ago, W2DR said:

Beats me.............

With a stick! 🥢

A flying saucer lands on the Whitehouse lawn. The soldiers on duty guarding the Whitehouse rush over to it and surround it, pointing their guns at it. After a few minutes, a door opens and an alien emerges. 'Take me to your leader' the alien says to the soldiers. The officer in charge looks over to his NCO and says 'Alright Sergeant, you heard him, escort this being to the Oval Office'.

The Sarge nods to the alien and indicates to follow me, then he heads off toward the Oval Office with the alien following behind. In he goes with the alien and says, 'Here you go buddy. Our leader'. The alien replies, 'Ha ha. Good one. But seriously, take me to your leader. This is important.'

Good one Alan...5 stars.  But if too many people pick up on it the thread might be closed.

 

Noel

2 hours ago, birdguy said:

Good one Alan...5 stars.  But if too many people pick up on it the thread might be closed.

 

Noel

Okay, we'll try this one then, which if you noticed the nativity scene in Vatican City and the complaints about it, is sort of topical...

A flying saucer lands in the Piazza San Pietro, right in front of the Basilica, and so of course the Pope rushes out with lots of the cardinals, to check it out. A door pops open on the flying saucer, and an alien emerges. The alien waves a friendly wave looks about and spots the Pope. Noticing the Pontif's fancier than everyone else's clothes, the alien correctly assumes he the boss, and so wanders over to him.

'I bring you greetings oh Mighty One, and I offer the hand of peace on behalf of the people of the Klaarg Nebula. I also extend the tentacle of comradeship of our Interstellar Space Law Force, in which I am proud to serve as a constable.' says the alien.

The Pope smiles and replies, 'As the spiritual leader of many Christians throughout our world, on behalf of them all, I too offer you the hand of friendship and peace, and I also offer the blessings of Christ to you, and I look forward to telling you of his great message.'

The alien looks a bit puzzled for a second, and then he says, 'Did you say Christ? Is he a tall guy, looks about thirty-ish, with a beard and a moustache? Does a few tricks with wine, fish and loaves and that kind of thing?' 

'Aah, you too know of the Lord?' replies the Pope, smiling once again.

'Know the guy? I should say so, we've been after him for ages trying to put a stop to what he gets up to. He goes around to different planets telling people all sorts of stuff. Do you know he even managed to convince the people of Klaargus Five, that his Dad built the entire Galaxy and they actually swallowed it. Can you believe it? When did you last see him?

Edited December 21, 20205 yr by Chock

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Christ?"

Alien: "Oh, Christ. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."
Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."
Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
Pope: "Chocolate?"
Alien: "Every time he visits, we gather the best chocolate from each manufacturing plant and give them to him before he leaves. What did you do the first time he came here?"

Edited December 21, 20205 yr by W2DR
kant spel

Two boys were born on the same day in a small town in Italy.  Dominic DiMaggio and Giuseppe Sicola.

The both became fast friends and both entered the seminary at the same time.  They were ordained at the same time and went on their way the become parish priests.

The both made monsignor on the same day, then bishop and cardinal the same day.

When the pope died they were both the top candidates to replace him.

For days the crowd watched as black smoke came up from the Vatican.

Finally, after a month of black smoke every day white smoke came up and the new pope was introduced.  It was Pope DiMaggio.

When the cardinals were asked what the tipping point was that made them choose DiMaggio they were told it was their names.

Pope DiMaggio had a more serious ring to it than Pope Sicola.

Noel

 

Not to mention that his nephew was Joe DiMaggio. Not only was Joe elected at an early age to the Baseball of Hall Of Fame and that he was once was married to Marliyn Monroe. He was an easy choice.

P.S. Joe and Marilyn held their wedding reception at the Iron Horse on Maiden Lane in San Francisco. It was just a short walk from my office to there  and I've hoisted many single malts thinking about the history of that place (there's more to it than just Joe and Marilyn). IMNSHO it is, no doubt, one of the worlds great watering holes. If you're ever in San San Francisco you have to try it. Every cabbie knows exactly where it is.

Edited December 21, 20205 yr by W2DR
kant spel

I k now Maiden Lane very well.  When I was a youngster my brother and I would visit the pet shop on Maiden Lane.

The boy who sat behind me in one of my classes at Galileo igh School was a DiMaggio.  He invited me to Easter dinner once.  I met Joe and Dominic.  Unfortunately Marylin wasn't there much to the disappointment of a 17 year old boy.

I understood that almost all the houses on Beach Street across from Fort Mason all belonged to the DiMaggio extended family.

I went to Galileo after I was kicked out of St. Ignatius.

Noel

1 hour ago, birdguy said:

When I was a youngster my brother and I would visit the pet shop on Maiden Lane.

Was that the really classy place that had both a downstairs and an upstairs? I remember a really great pet shop somewhere down there. Maybe it was the one on Maiden Lane. We used to stop in there just to see the parrots.

Yes, that's the one.  It was a real neat place.  And since Leon and I didn't have a pet at home it was a place we go and enjoy them.

Noel