UPS Pilots

[dlhusk 0]

Just in case you need a laugh:Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a highschool diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinelyin our jobs.After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanicscorrect the problems, document their repairs on the form, and thenpilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it besaid that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actualmaintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and thesolutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpitS: Something tightened in cockpitP: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descentS: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what friction locks are for.P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.And the best one for last..................P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Guest airbus2]

Very funny, ive seen a few of these before.The one i find a bit suspect though is:P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.I mean, if engine 3 fell of, surely a bit more than a "gripe sheet" would be filled out?Dave

[Guest Staggerwing]

"Missing" as in "misfiring" :-)

[Guest airbus2]

I see.Feel kinda silly now :-shy Dave

[RFields5421 1]

BTW the original is Qantas as the only major airline without a crash.

[Mace 1,904]

>BTW the original is Qantas as the only major airline without>a crash.I thought it was ValuJet for a minute there.RhettAMD 3700+ (@2310 mhz), eVGA 7800GT 256 (Guru3D 93.71), ASUS A8N-E, PC Power 510 SLI, 2 GB Corsair XMS 2.5-3-3-8 (1T), WD 250 gig 7200 rpm SATA2, CoolerMaster Praetorian case

[Guest PARADISE]

Pretty funny stuff. I read an entry by the crew ahead of us once that read, " Landing light inops " to which the mechanic's reply was, " Retrieved landing light from 'ops', re-installed in aircraft ".FYI, UPS does have 3 accident reports on file with the NTSB in the past 3 years, none had any fatalities nor injuries though. What is surprising is the amount of accidents FedEx has had. See www.ntsb.gov/ntsb/query.asp for accident infoSee www.planecrashinfo.com/noaccident.htm for a list of airlines that have had not had accidents with fatalities.John M

[Guest 247]

Haha made me laugh alot please put some more on here i love them

[Guest airbus2]

>See www.planecrashinfo.com/noaccident.htm for a list of airlines ?>that have had not had accidents with fatalities.>John MI was interested to see that MyTravel airlines were not on that list, have they had an accident with fatalities?Dave

[Guest PARADISE]

I'm not sure if this list includes air charters. I cannot find any crash information on MyTravel Airways.John M

[Guest airbus2]

Neither can I, the only thing i can think of is that this may be an old list, since Airtours is on there.Airtours was bought by MyTravel and no longer exists.Dave