QANTAS .. Quite A Nice Takeoff, Any Survivors?

[Dark Moment 0]

With all the enthusiasm we share for everything to be "as real as it gets" in flightsim, perhaps the following is not out of place. Forgive me if you've all seen this before, as I know it's done the rounds.Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance workers. Never let it be said that ground crews and maintenance workers lack a sense of humour. P = the problem logged by the pilot. S = the solution and corrective action. ____________________________________________ P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windscreen.S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine "missing."S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed. Mark "Dark Moment" Beaumonthttp://www.swiremariners.com/cxkaitak.htmlhttp://www.swiremariners.com/cxkaitakv3.jpg

[Guest crashing_pilot]

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOLthis really made me LOL....thanx mate!!!!!!!Tom van der ElstVP C o m p a s s va:-bat

[Guest]

Posted only once a week on average...Funny the first few times, but gets boring quickly.

[JLedford 0]

Since we are posting some old stuff..aviation related of course.I cannot take any credit for the text posted below...as a matter of fact I saved it from a post on the very same forum...Rules of the Air1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago

[Dark Moment 0]

Sorry, I must be spending too much time flying to notice these things.Mark "Dark Moment" Beaumonthttp://www.swiremariners.com/cxkaitak.htmlhttp://www.swiremariners.com/cxkaitakv2.jpg

[Guest]

thanks for sharing. tom t