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A little humor...no, not a Short Final

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Bill Dailey, one of the staff members had passed this one around in email. I've seen it before but had forgotten if I ever saw it in here.A little wisdom from above.A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of asudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lordsaid, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I willgrant you one wish."The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormouschallenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach thebottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take alittle more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honorand glorify me."The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wishthat I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, whatthey are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry,what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman trulyhappy."The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

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Just had this forwarded to me last week. It fits quite well in this thread.> There ARE rules when dealing with women.> > >> > This merit/demerit guide will help you to understand how it works.> > Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make thewoman happy.> > Do something she likes; you get points.> > Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.> > You don't get any points for doing something she expects.> > >> > > Rules guide:> > >> > > SIMPLE DUTIES> > > You make the bed ......................................... +1> > > You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0> > > You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets............... -1> > > You leave the toilet seat up.............................. -5> > > You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty........ 0> > > When the toilet paper roll is out, you resort to Kleenex -1> > > When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom....... -2> > > You go out to buy her extra light panty liners with wings. +5> > > in the snow...............................................+8> > > but return with beer...................................... -5> > > and no liners.............................................-25> > > You check out a suspicious noise at night................. 0> > > You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........ 0> > > You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...... +5> > > You pummel it with a six iron............................. +10> > > It's her cat..............................................-40> > > AT THE PARTY> > > You stay by her side the entire party..................... 0> > > You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.................................... -2> > > Named Tiffany.............................................-4> > > Tiffany is a dancer....................................... -10> > > With breast implants...................................... -18> > > HER BIRTHDAY> > > You remember her birthday.................................. 0> > > You buy a card and flowers................................. 0> > > You take her out to dinner................................. 0> > > You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....... +1> > > Okay, it is a sports bar................................... -2> > > And it's all-you-can-eat night............................. -3> > > It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team............... -10> > > A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS> > > Go with a pal.............................................. 0> > > The pal is happily married................................. +1> > > The pal is single.......................................... -7> > > He drives a Ferrari........................................-10> > > With a personalized license plate(GR8NBED)................-15> > > A NIGHT OUT WITH HER> > > You take her to a movie.................................... +2> > > You take her to a movie she likes.......................... +4> > > You take her to a movie you hate........................... +6> > > You take her to a movie you like........................... -2> > > It's called Death Cop 3.................................... -3> > > Which features Cyborgs that eat humans..................... -9> > > You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..... -15> > > YOUR PHYSIQUE> > > You develop a noticeable pot belly........................ -15> > > You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.........................................................+10> > > You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts................................. -30> > > You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one, too."......... -800> > > THE BIG QUESTION> > > She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"> > > You hesitate in responding................................ -10> > > You reply, "Where?"....................................... -35> > > You reply, "No, I think it's your butt that does it"..... -100> > > Any other response........................................ -20> > > COMMUNICATION> > > When she wants to talk about a problem:> > > You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............. 0> > > You listen, for over 30 minutes............................ +5> > > You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50> > > Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".................... -50> > > You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at theTV.......................................................+100> > > She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep...... -200> > > And remember...> > > a.. The shelf life of a positive point is about half a second.> > > b.. The shelf life of a negative point is approximately twice as long as a man's life span.> > >Dan

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