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Doc Bryant

Some funnies to start the month with....

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Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working!Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS one-six.Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land one-six, wind 5 knots zero-zero degrees and by the way: this is Vienna Tower. Pilot: (After a little while) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker. Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna! Pilot: (After a little while) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava? Tower: You can believe me, this is Vienna Pilot: But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna! Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left heading oh-three-oh and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava. Tower: Lufthansa eight-six-one-oh cleared for take-off.Pilot (LH 8610): We haven't landed yet.Tower: Who's lined up on two-six south? Pilot (LH 8801): Lufthansa eight-eight-oh-one. Tower: Well, YOU're cleared for take-off then. Tower: Delta Mike Zulu, after landing cleared to taxi Alpha seven, Alpha five, Whiskey two, Delta one and Oscar two. Pilot: Where the hell's that, we're not that familiar with this port? Tower: Don't worry. I'm new here, too. Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you. Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.Tower: You have traffic at ten o'clock, six miles!Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel.. Tower: Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: German Air Force 269, you are cleared to Destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept j156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own navigation read back.Pilot: GAF 269: Roger German Air Force 269 is cleared to Destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept j156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own navigation and I need another pencil.Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX pls. report persons aboard.D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog.Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to a stop): Assume the Pilot-in-Command was the dog ? And remember, a landing is just a controlled collision with a planet..Doc Bryant :+

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Darn your buttons Ted!I had to read it through. Brother Maynard long ago threw in the towel and is snoring peacefully amidst the clutter that is my office floor. It's 0330 and I am finished.I hope Brother Luis gets a chance to read it. In many spots the writing reminded me of his fine literary ramblings.Well, off to log some "z's." Something tells me there will be an early reveille on the morrow.Fine reading it is. I hope many others stumble upon it. Anyone who can quote Theroux, St.Ex, Mark Twain and Kurt Vonnegut isn't half bad. And he says he is a former NAVAIR guy. Will wonders never cease.Doc Bryant

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Luis, you've been now both warned and ordered! I darn thee to eternal web-site reading! :-ukliam fie, fie!ted :-bat

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