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Guest Joe

You may be a redneck pilot if:

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I just got this in the mail. It's not terribly funny.But, thought I'd pass it along anyway. :-)-----Original Message----Subject: Redneck P:ilotYou may be a redneck pilot if:1. Your stall warning plays DIXIE.2. Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.3. You think sectionals should show trailer parks.4. You've ever used moonshine as AVGas.5. Your 172's wheel pants have mud flaps with a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.6. Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.7. You've ever taxied around the airport just drinking beer.8. You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.9. You use an old sweet mix sack as a wind sock.10. You constantly confuse "Beechcraft" with "Beechnut."11. You've never flown a nosewheel airplane.12. You refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy."13. Your matched set of lightweight flying luggage is 3 grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.14. You have a gun rack in the rear window.15. You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling on.16. You figure mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations.17. You siphon gas from your tractor to go flying.18. You've never landed at an actual airport even though you've been flying for over 20-years.19. You've ever ground looped to avoid hitting a cow.20. You consider anything over 500-ft AGL as High Altitude Flying.21. There are parts on your aircraft labeled "John Deere."22. You don't own a current sectional, but have all the Texaco road maps for your area.23. There's a brown streak down each side of your airplane; exhaust on the right side and tobacco on the left.24. You have to buzz the strip to chase off the livestock before landing.25. You use an old parachute for a portable hanger.26. You've ever landed on Main Street for a cup of coffee.27. The tread pattern, if any, on all three of your tires is different.28. You have a pair of fuzzy dice and some small copper shoes hanging from the Magnetic Compass.29. You put straw in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.30. You've got matching bumper stickers on each side of the vertical fin.31. There are grass stains on the tips of your propeller.32. Somewhere on your plane, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I'd rather be fishing."33. You navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations.34. You think an ultra light is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.35. Just before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM frequency heard you say, "Hey Y'all-Watch This!" http://myweb.cableone.net/joesumralliii/hook5.gif

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Somebody has been to a Jeff Foxworthy show! For a minute there I thought we were going back in time to the "good ol' days." Now let's see, there was Penelope and then there were these other two fellers. Anybody out there member their names?This is a trivia test for "old timers" around the ProPilot forum. Doc? Lindy? Pork, you gotcha ears ON? Break 1-9!Jerry K. ThorneEast Ridge, TN

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This really made me laugh, Joe. Strangely enough, it all sounds very familiar, like I would do a lot of those things. Except for the fuzzy dice; I prefer the hound dog on the dash with his head bobbing up and down.Best regards.Luis

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Being originally from Alaska, too many of these I have actually witnessed. :-lol Including the landing on main street for coffee one. Hehe.----------------------------------------------------------------John S. MorganReal World: KGEG, UND Aerospace Spokane Satillite, Private 130+ hrs.Virtual: MSFS 2004"There is a feeling about an airport that no other piece of ground can have. No matter what the name of the country on whose land it lies, an airport is a place you can see and touch that leads to a reality that can only be thought and felt." - The Bridge Across Forever: A Love Story by Richard Bach

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It sure took you long enough to get here to reply. I won't mention those guys by name.Jerry K. ThorneEast Ridge, TN

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We are glad to have you back among us, Doc. I knew that you had some health troubles a while back. That explains why things have been so quiet around here. Are you getting back to full strength? How is brother Maynard reacting to your down time?Jerry K. ThorneEast Ridge, TN

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I thought I developed an allegy to something or other, focused on laundry detergent. Then I went, itching, scratching and hurting to a conference in Houston. It got worse. So I went to see the Doctor. And he decided I have shingles. I always thought those were some oddball sort of illness my late hypochondriac aunt came up with. I am definitely wrong on that score!Brother Maynard likes the additional quality time spent with me. It gives him more time to cajole dog treats from me. But he does provide some sort of health care. I woke up recently in middle of night and looked up square into his eyes, staring down at me.He understands very well the phrase, "Just what the ********** do you want?"Which caused him to retreat back to his portion of the bed.Doc Bryant

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I am sorry to learn that you have not been feeling well, Doc. Life is always full of surprises, isn't it?Please have pity on my poor ignorant soul and enlighten me: just what the heck is "shingles"? Isn't that what we nail on top of the rafters?All my best to Maynard and to you.Luis

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Doc,Maynard is aware that your condition has changed since it has also changed your scent to his sensitive nose. His "keeping an eye on you" is an outward sign of his concern. You are the "big dog" in the family, and he is a pack animal at his core. He obviously knows how to get you to provide extra tasty treats.Luis, I am sure Google search will find the answers to your query about the "shingles", but your humor is appropriate at this point to take our minds off more serious things that Doc has reported on in the past.Jerry K. ThorneEast Ridge, TN

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Brother Luis:Shingles is a disease that comes from youthful exposure to Chicken Pox. It also allows you to have the distinct ability to be in considerable pain and itch like the absolute dickens all at the same time.And if you nail your shingles atop the rafters, without benefit of proper underlayment, not only will a good stiff wind scatter them to the neighbor's yard, but a medium strength #### will do it as well.Doc Bryant

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