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Doc Bryant

Three old pilots...

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Three old pilots were walking across the ramp to their airplanes.First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"Second one says, "No, its Thursday."Third one says, "Yeah, so am I. Lets go get a beer instead.

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You asked for it!Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night, the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you . . . as soon as I see who's at the door."Best regards.Luis

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And here's another one, I nearly put it out to my mailing list readers, but somehow forgot to do so.Bran MuffinsThe couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.' The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?

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And another right back at you, Doc.Two elderly ladies had been friends for a long time. One day, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes, she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"Best regards.Luis

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Well, that brought a smile to my face, three times! I have heard the old pilots joke before, but the other two are new to me. I guess I will have to share with my email pals.Jerry K. ThorneEast Ridge, TN

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A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count.The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. ####, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get that #### jar opened!" Doc Bryant

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Wonderful! A joke festival.As an old man was driving, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Dear, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!" "Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"Best regards.Luis

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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, Mildred took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart was located. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.and.....A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "50 years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds!" "Well..." his wife snickered, "What do you say ... should we get naked?" The old man nodded, and the two of them took all their clothes off and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the old lady whispered breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied her husband. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"Doc Bryant

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