Justin Michael

I hate the feeling I get when stuck in the left turning lane, at a light that refuses to change.

The earth is said to be about 4.5 billion years old. Yet, we celebrate the birth of every New Year as if it is a novel occurrence. As the earth nonchalantly continues to spin around the sun, let us remind ourselves that life on this planet is one of those miracles that we can never fully comprehend.

Sorry Facebook, but, you suck.

I've never been one for any holiday. But I think Winston Churchill said it best."We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give."

Who is this piper and why do I have to pay him?

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's...

"You there in the window,up above the corner storeI see you, watching the world."

Is anyone else having problems with verizon wireless today?

Damn rat ######s.

Biggest poop of my life happened today

I love my baby soooo freaking much

Only in Rockville centre do cops buy Starbucks coffee. I guess the pay is good

Happy Birthday Brian Hemrick

I still prefer eight in the ink and one in the stink.

Corn, is like that friend that just won't go away

NYC policemen and firefighters are not invited to the 10th anniversary of 9/11 at Ground Zero.........................They weren't invited on that day in 2001 either.They just showed up.PLEASE REPOST!

Two things. A: why is there an untalented monkey on mtv2: what happened to mtvD: what is this show I want pants

He went down at the Beekman. He tried to lam, but they cheesed him

Hurricane on the way? Time to hit up the liquor store!

Successful party and amazing birthday. Thank you everyone who came.

"You think you could keep us out of Florida? We're moving in lock, stockand barrel. We're gonna be in the pool. We're gonna be in the clubhouse.We're gonna be all over that shuffleboard court And I dare you to keep me out!"

Found a receipt for three grande caramel macchiatos last night at 8:57pm. I do not know why this is. If someone knows please let me know.

Gone flying with Matt Villalon

Mercedes Andrade where are you?

You know my paper heart, the one I feel with pencil marks. I think I might have gone and inked you in