Justin Michael

WOW SENSORY OVERLOAD! Both my cat and dog just farted simultaneously. Serious gas hazard.

I love waking up to the smell of crackling bacon

Bumbaclot!

Will Ferrel is now on The Office. This should be interesting.

So much to do in so little time. Won't hurt to start it off with a shot of my good ol' friend jagermeister

The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

Freeze you jive turkey

Buying a neuralizer on ebay. Can't wait to start erasing peoples memory

Why do people with strollers think they can use the entire side walk.

Saucy. Remember kids, shotguns are dangerous. Even in nice weather

Karaoke tonight. Maybe I'll bring my gueeetar just in case

I'll take ape ** for $200

It goes something like this A, F#m, C#m7, Bmaj

Things to do today, change all the clocks in the US back one hour. I am tired of this. I have no farm, unless it is dog ###### that I am farming.

Someone took my brain out, filled the cavity with liquor, then put my brain back upside down. ###### them.

Sometimes you just gotta thank the wrongs that lead you to a love so strong

Many things to decide in the next two months. Looks like the start of something amazing.

It's time for a bbq.

Some lady asked me for the time and then told me I was wrong.

Are you my dead head?

Ok so how much would a chicken cost and where can I find one

The LIRR needs to have a gong that rings when they reach each station. I am tired of waking up in Babylon. That god awful place.

Why does asparagus make your pee smell

Rainy days bring out the songwriter in me.

Way to go Knicks