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Showing results for tags 'humor'.
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Well after one, ok, maaaybe two trips too many to the Christmas party punchbowl, I got to thinkin'... The Ten Commandments of AVSIM 1. AVSIM is a forum, not a help desk 2. Though shalt respect your fellow forum members. 3. The Forum helps those who help themselves. 4. Though shalt respect your fellow forum members. 5. Though shall not use all CAPS, unless you reeeally mean to yell. 6. Though shalt respect your fellow forum members. 7. Though shall not threaten to kill or mutilate because he likes FS9 and you like FSX. 8. Though shalt respect your fellow forum members. (Are ya seeing a pattern here?) 9. Though shall not riducule or otherwise malign the intelligence of a forum member, regardless of how much you know that everyone thinks they deserve it. 10. Though shalt respect your fellow forum members!! I decided to share because, well...I figured, why should I be the only one suffering through this. Merry Christmas Everybody!! :Party:
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Hello, No, the CTD I'm talking about is not the dreaded Crash to Desktop, so familiar to us all. The CTD that I am referring to is a serious affliction that affects hundreds, nay thousands of Fight Sim enthusiasts all over the globe. To the uninitiated, they appear as normal people, but to those among us, the signs are as clear as the bright sun on a cloudless day. I've no doubt that while you may not be able to tell for sure, everyone knows someone afflicted with this horribly devastating disease. It is a malady that knows no boundaries, no social classes. It crosses international borders without conscience or impediment. It has ruined relationships, destroyed careers and emptied more bank accounts than a cheap hooker with a bad cocaine habit. That's right, this is CTD, otherwise known as Compulsive Tweaking Disorder. Hello, my name is Jeff, and I'm a Compulsive Tweaker. For many years now, I have been a flight simulator enthusiast. Since my first foray into the world of flight simulators as a young lad back in 1983, I have, like many before me, been in search of that Holy Grail, the creme de la creme, the magic bullet that would give me what I crave; the ultimate PC based flying experience...flight simulation nirvana. Today, I sit here firmly entrenched in a relationship with FS9 that has lasted near a decade. Though I have, on occasion, been known to mingle with other mistresses; FSX, X-plane, and a few others over these many years, I nevertheless find myself drawn back to the safety and comfort of a well known and trusted partner. I know just where to touch her to make her purr like a kitten. I know when she's not in the mood, and I know when I can push it, and when to back away. While to outsiders this may seem to be an insane anthropomorphizing of a few lines of code that make up a computer program, to those suffering with CTD, it makes as much sense as endowing your cat, your dog or your goldfish with human emotion and characteristics. So in spite of any desire to find a cure, and contrary to all rational thought and nearly every logical fiber of my being, I continue to tweak. Mostly in secret now, when no one is watching and after the wife has retired for the evening, I sit in my dungeon. Downloading, altering, testing, rebooting, reinstalling this add-on or that. For every little improvement in frame rate and every minuscule reduction in stutters and stammers of my simulator over the years, perfection remains an ever elusive adversary. The closer I get, the more it mocks me. Even now, I hear its' laughter in the depths of my mind, wheedling and cajoling me to push the limits even further. "Come on," it says to me, "You know you want it. You're not going to give up now, are you?" Ever aware of the hold it has on me, I find myself as Captain Ahab in pursuit of his nemesis, Flight Simulator being my Moby Dick. "These are the times of dreamy quietude, when beholding the tranquil beauty and brilliancy of the ocean's skin, one forgets the tiger heart that pants beneath it; and would not willingly remember, that this velvet paw but conceals a remorseless fang." And then in that final moment of heated confrontation, "From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." My name is Jeff, and I'm a compulsive tweaker. I am in the process of establishing a support group to help others with this sad but all too common ailment. But we need your help. Please contact me through private message to arrange for your donation to this honorable and worthy cause. Every contribution you make goes directly toward the research, treatment and prevention of this tragic and malicious disease. We happily accept credit card and PayPal only. Please do not send cash as we have found that we just end up buying more add-ons with it. In the meantime, please stand up and share your story with us. There's no need to hide in dark corners and hallways any longer. You are not alone. We are here for you. No, we don't yet have a Twelve Step program, but we're working on it. Thank You, Jeff Disclaimer: This has been a public service announcement. The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily (and probably don't) reflect the views and opinions of AVSIM, its' agents or its' members.
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Why does this satiric narration about missile guidance systems bring to mind some of the "talking head experts" who've been crawling out to the woodwork these past few days? :LMAO: Ah, the supreme eloquence of "techno-babble!"
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I am still chuckling and LMAO over this cartoon I saw earlier today: