I Know why PMDG is holding back the Queen

[Guest RAR_Fan]

Hey PMDG fans!After reading all the threads from everyone on the upcoming Queens release, I think I know why PMDG is holding back.PLEASE NOTE: This thread is written and meant to be humorist post, THESE REFERECNES ARE FICTICIONAL! DO NOT CONTACT PMDG ABOUT ANY OF THIS,,, ITS JUST FOR FUN!!With all the requests and wishes everyone is making, I think Rob decided to push back the official release date of the Queen until they can fully incorporate all the features of the following add-on products:FEATURE 1) Insect Simulator 1.0Once installed, runs as a plug-in to FS2004, allowing the user to configure the type, size, and amount of bugs that will hit the windshield. This is configured just like custom weather in FS, where you can change the bug coverage, visibility, and altitude of these nasty little creatures! I believe that PMDG is modeling this concept, to be able to adjust the smear factor of the wipers!FEATURE 2) Flight Attendant Simulator 1.3This plug-in is similar to SB3, as you connect to the FASIM* network of servers as a flight attendant, allows you to work a flight or just deadhead on an aircraft with a flight plan going to your destination.Once connected, this allows the F/A to board the aircraft, wander around the cabin and galleys, check the menus and wine lists, and if you have a microphone and are connected to a voice server, announce the briefings to the passengers! Additional modules will allow you to serve your passengers lunch, dinner, or just throw peanuts at them if you prefer!NOTE: At this time F/A's cannot be allowed access to watch in-flight movies, as there still working out the royalties from Hollywood!FEATURE 3) Virtual Passenger Simulator 1.0This wonderful plug-in connects to above-mentioned FASIM* network, and allows the user to become a passenger on a departing aircraft to their ultimate destination. Users can choose depending on the airline, and availability, coach, business class, or first class (of course first class is ALWAYS full of pilots dead-heading!).Features include fully customization able passenger profiles, (male, female, short, fat, etc..) and using your mouse allows you to look left, right, up, down, or the automatically steers you to the closest bathroom!! (Advanced users can actually navigate to which ever bathroom they prefer, make sure you flush and put the seat down before you leave!> NOTE:(As many airlines have different magazines in the seat pouch in front of you, this feature will NOT be modeled in the first release)Also, coupled with users logged in as F/A, you can use the to summon a flight attendant, where you can request things like a pillow, more peanuts, or beverages. (coach passengers please note: Beer, Wine, or Cocktail service will link to the secure website, "https://xxx.funcharge.com" where your credit card will be processed. All users connected to voice servers can communicate directly to F/A's who are "voice enabled", or you can use the "F/A Voice Chat" window. FEATURE 4> Virtual Ground Simulator 1.0This plug-in to FS2004 allows the user to setup the ground personnel, from the loaders, baggage handlers, fueling personnel, right down to the pushback personnel. You can setup the level of "stress" for each individual, and have the option to change failure rates for each department right up to the "belt-loader speed", if you wish.Current airport weather is automatically updated with adjusts the "efficiency factor" of each worker assigned to your aircraft.Optional modules can be installed which factor in "union rules".These rules (company rules default) can be overridden by the PIC.FEATURE 5> Pilot Barber 1.2Don't like your head shot looks from the front view?Well, don't worry, this plug-in takes a .jpg image of your front view, renders it to fit the pixels in the bitmap image, and replaces it in the .cfg file.Sorry: Haircuts, Makeovers, and Shaves are extra! (wait till the next release)* not a valid serverWere waiting for the official "push-back"!Please don't yell at me if you don't like my humor, just want to get everyone to smile as we wait.....:-sun1 Gerry

[Guest neil_b]

Insect Simulator 1.0 - This better not effect my frame rates. I like to run my bug impact at 100%.Flight Attendant Simulator 1.3 - Are there options for specifying whether you serve peanuts or pretzels? If there arent I won't be buying as that ruins my realism.Virtual Passenger Simulator 1.0 - Does this have a feature where a fat passenger gets charged for 2 seats on certain aircraft? I really hope so otherwise it will be marred for me.Virtual Ground Simulator 1.0 - We were promised the option to strike on another thread. I'm disgusted with PMDG right now.Pilot Barber 1.2 - Does your picture accurately age over time? This is a hugely important feature for me. My beard grows very fast too so can I specify the growth rate? I take a lot of screenshots with all the sliders maxed out so its important for me to be able to show off to all my other flightsim friends with this.When are these getting released? I predict by the end of this week otherwise I will start another thread and complain about every PMDG member and their families. And these add-ons had better be priced under $5 else I'll be forced into getting a pirated copy.

[Guest neeraj.pendse]

Hilarious! It's fun and it takes some cracks at those realism junkies too. Keeps us coming back to the board while we desparately wait for the Queen.- Neeraj.

[Guest ha5mvo]

be careful with the insect simulator pluggin - some people may start complaining about the wipers size....

[Guest Robin.B]

ARGH PMDG How dare you miss out the Ice simulator and Bird-strike simulator and the When-Tires-contact-with-the-ground simulator ?

[Guest RAR_Fan]

Neil,Your concerns are well noted, but PMDG is not part of this expansion project, as they are working to get the "744" out-the-door. (kinda rhymes!)Well regarding Insect Sim, make sure you turn up the "Splat Rate" to "MAX SPLAT RATE" from the pull-down menu and select your required "impact" rate. (this will have an an effect on your video and CPU performance however)Regarding the F/A Sim, yes, pretzels, doughnuts, dogbones... or whatever you want to program as (food??) can be served to your guests.(IMPORTANT NOTE: Beer, Wine and Cocktails will still be subject to the secure website mentioned in the previous post!)Regarding the Virtual Passenger, well theres still some work to be done, but (it's not released yet) have the ability to BUMP OF THE DEAD-HEAD PILOTS (of course, after your credit-card has been processed!) And of course, it's up your airline how much you want to charge for the seat, (fat people 2 seats, skinny little guys like me, 1/2 seat!)About the Ground Simulator, they added an EOE (Equal Oppertinutiy Empoyer) in order to use the EOE plug-in, to maintain the realism expected of the flight simm market.Now about the Pilot Barber....Sorry I told you about this too soon, but...Due to some video card frame rates, and if you have Insect Simulator installed, your "head shot in the cockpit" could look "BUGGY" from a spot plane view!And yes there are ready!!!Just send me about $5000 (certified funds only, please)and just as soon as the Queen is ready for pushback... Meet Ya in Hawaii!PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A RESPONSE TO A HUMOUS JOKE! PMDG IS NOT INVOLVED IN THIS POST!! PLEASE NOTE IT!As we still await the arrival of the "Queen"Gerry:-jumpy