My wife's friend knows I'm into "simming", and she found this piece and e-mailed it to us. It's a very real set of communications between Pilots and Mechanics. I hope you find it enjoyable to read, and get a good laugh from it. HERE IT IS:After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet, which conveys to> > the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight> > that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the> pilot> > completes and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then> > respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial actionwas> > taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.> Never let it> > be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are> > some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by> QUANTAS > > pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way,> QUANTAS> > is the only major airline that has never had an accident.> >> > (P = the problem logged by the pilot. S = the solution and action taken> by> > the engineers.)> >> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.> >> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.> >> > P: Something loose in cockpit.> > S: Something tightened in cockpit> >> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.> > S: Live bugs on back-order.> >> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute> > descent.> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.> >> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.> > S: Evidence removed.> >> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.> >> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.> > S: That's what they're there for.> >> > P: IFF inoperative.> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.> >> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.> > S: Suspect you're right.> >> > P: Number 3 engine missing.> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.> >> > P: Aircraft handles funny.> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.> >> > P: Target radar hums.> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.> >> > P: Mouse in cockpit.> > S: Cat installed.> >> >

Been around for quite some time, but always funny to re-read it :)Regards,Van LatendresseYeoDesigns/AFG GroupPanel/FDE Designer