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Guest Iain Spowart

Cat haikus (of variable quality)

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What has Denis started! I got these from a friend years ago, so if they're not funny then don't blame me!You never feed me.Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.That will show you.You must scratch me there!Yes, above my tail! Behold,Elevator butt.I need a new toy.Tail of black dog keeps good time.Pounce! good dog! good dog!The rule for today:Touch my tail, I shred your hand.New rule tomorrow.In deep sleep hear soundCat throwup hairball somewhereWill find in morningGrace personified,I leap into the window.I meant to do that.Blur of motion, then --Silence, me, a paper bag.What is so funny?The mighty hunterReturns with gifts of plump birds --Your foot just squashed oneYou're always typing.Well, let's see you ignore mySitting on your hands.My small cardboard box.You cannot see me if ICan hide my head.Terrible battle.I fought for hours. Come and see!What's a 'term paper'?Kitty likes plasticConfuses for litter boxShouldn't leave aroundSmall brave carnivoresKill pine cones and mosquitoesFear vacuum cleanerWant to trim my claws?Don't even think about it!My cries will wake dead.I want to be closeTo you. Can I fit my headinside your armpit?Want to go outside.Oh, no! Help! I got outside!Let me back inside!Oh no! Big Onehas been trapped by newspaper!Cat to the rescue!Humans are so strange.Mine lies still in bed, then screams!My claws aren't that sharp ...Cats meow out of angst"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!We could break so much!"Litter box not hereYou must have moved it againI'll go in the sink.The Big Ones snore nowEvery room is dark and coldTime for "Cup Hockey"We're almost equalsI purr to show I love youWant to smell my butt?And for all you Gilbert Shelton fans out there...Large one praises meFor not crapping. Wait till heputs on his headphones.Iain Spowart,Scotland.Webmaster and photographer,Scottish Claymores 2002Cheerleaders Fan Sitehttp://avsim.iainspowart.com/2002-s.jpghttp://www.claymorescheerleaders.comhttp://www.iainspowart.com

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whoa..that's a lot of haikus! I remember when we had to make some in GR7 English Class, boring but better then reading Shakespeare! :-hahTake careMike

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but pigs be about equal - this farmer wasn't from the West Country was he? :-lolI guess it's true what he says though. Cats definitely think (know) that they are superior to us. After all, when was the last time a cat brought back a stick that you threw for it?! Dog's are daft in comparison (but still lovely though). :-)Iain Spowart,Scotland.http://www.iainspowart.com

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