And now for something completely different.Mousebender: Good morning.Wensleydale: Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! M: Ah, thank you, my good man.W: What can I do for you, sir?M: Well, I was sitting in the public library on Thurmond Street just now, skimming through `Rogue Herries' by Horace Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.W: Peckish, sir?M: Esurient.W: Eh?M: (broad Yorkshire) Eee I wor all 'ungry-loike!W: Ah, hungry!M: In a nutshell. So I thought to myself, `a little fermented curd will do the trick.' I curtailed my Walpolling activities, sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.W: Come again?M: I want to buy some cheese.W: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player.M: Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse!W: Sorry?M: 'Ooo, I lahk a nice tune, 'yer forced too!W: So he can go on playing, can he?M: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.W: Certainly, sir. What would you like?M: Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester.W: I'm, afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.M: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?W: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.M: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.W: Ah, well, it's been on order, sir, for two weeks, sir, I was expecting it this morning.M: It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?W: Sorry, sir.M: Red Windsor?W: Normally, sir, yes, but today the van broke down.M: Ah. Stilton?W: Sorry.M: Emmental? Gruyere?W: No.M: Any Norwegian Jarlsburger, per chance?W: No.M: Liptauer?W: No.M: Lancashire?W: No.M: White Stilton?W: No.M: Danish Blue?W: No.M: Double Gloucester?W: ...No.M: Cheshire?W: No.M: Dorset Blue Vinnny?W: No.M: Brie, Rocquefort, Pont-l'Eveque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Boursin, Bresse-Bleue, Perle de Champagne?W: No.M: Camembert, perhaps?W: Ah! We have do have some Camembert, sir.M: You do! Excellent.W: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...M: Oh, I like it runny.W: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.M: No matter. No matter. Hand over le fromage de la Belle France qui s'appelle Camembert, s'il vous plait.W: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.M: I don't care how excrementally runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.W: Yes, sir. Oh...M: What now?W: The cat's eaten it.M: Has he?W: She, sir.(pause)M: Gouda?W: No.M: Edam?W: No.M: Caithness?W: No.M: Smoked Austrian?W: No.M: Japanese Sage Derby?W: No, sir.M: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?W: Certainly, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got...M: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.W: Fair enough.M: Wensleydale?W: Yes, sir?M: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!W: Oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought you were referring to me, Mr. Wensleydale, that's my name.(pause)M: Greek Feta?W: Uh, not as such.M: Uuh, Gorgonzola?W: No.M: Parmesan,W: No.M: Mozzarella,W: No.M: Pippo Creme,W: No.M: Danish Fimboe,W: No.M: Czechoslovakian Sheep's Milk Cheese,W: No.M: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?W: Not *today*, sir, no.(pause)M: Aah, how about Cheddar?W: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.M: Not much call for it? It's the single most popular cheese in the world!W: Not round these parts, sir.M: And pray what is the most popular cheese round these parts?W: Ilchester, sir.M: IS it.W: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in the manor, squire.M: Is it.W: It's our number one best seller, sir!M: I see. Uuh...Ilchester, eh?W: Right, sir.M: All right. Okay. "Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.W: I'll have a look, sir.. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.M: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?W: Finest in the district!M: Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.W: Well, it's so clean, sir!M: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....W: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.M: Would it be worth it?W: Could be....M: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!W: Told you sir...M: (slowly) Have you got any Limberger?W: No.M: No, that figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:W: Yessir?M: Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?W: Yes, sir.M: Really?(pause)W: No. Not really, sir.M: You haven't.W: No, sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.M: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.W: Right-0, sir.The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.M: What a *senseless* waste of human life.DS CVA3339 / UKD149System: Attlon 900 McW Hamster/Gerbilized Quantum Accessible 55Gig Iodized-Encrusted Four-poster with Mega-brill Farzenhuuven http://vatsim.pilotmedia.fi/statusindicato...tor=OD1&a=a.jpg

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!

Your majesty is like a dose of clap. Before you arrive is pleasure, and after is a pain in the dong.NOT ONE MENTION OF PIC767!And I loved it, LOLOLOLOLOLDaryl, you could have the israelis and the palestinians laughing and patting each other on the back, well, after they both got upset at you for something you said.

http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/ni.wavBravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,To have his kneecaps split and his body burned awayAnd his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!His head smashed in and his heart cut outAnd his liver removed and his bowels unpluggedAnd his nostrils raped and his bottom burned offAnd his pen--

Copyright violation, no citation either. ;)I enjoyed it nonetheless.Lee Hetherington (KBED)

This one nicely sums up the 'condition' of the British:"M: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.W: Right-0, sir."One of my favourites

At approx 2200z I will depart CYVR laiden with Canadian grade-eh cheese bound for a US destination.Hope to see some fellow Cheese-heads.Cheesy, eh.The Cheese Master.

Toooooooooooooooo Funny!