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Guest glnflwrs

Hehe...

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Didn't know where to post this one, so it ended up here! :( After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. Themechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, andthen pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here aresome actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and thesolutions recorded by maintenance engineers.By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had anaccident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minutedescent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're for.P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midgetpounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget

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There's an airlne called QUANTAS? Never heard of itJ/kI have read that thing hundereds of times before, but never noticed it was real.

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Sir,Just so you'll know in the future...It's 'QANTAS'not 'QUANTAS'no 'U'Queensland and Northern Territories Air ServiceQANTASGlenn"Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee!"

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