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Guest Robs

FAO Aircraft Builders; Urgent Problem Reporting.

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Subject: FU3 AirlinesAfter every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, whichconveys to the mechanics any problems encountered with the aircraftduring the flight that needs repair or correction.The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by FU3 pilots and the solution recorded by maintenanceengineers.By the way, FU3 Airlines is the only major FU3 airline that has never had an accident:(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and actiontaken by the mechanics.)P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minutedescent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're there for.P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget.

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Rob,Have you solved the crucial problem ?P: Hand off to ground control before touchdown at Filton.S: ??????:-)Chris Low,ENGLAND.

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:-lolSomehow I think those originally came from the USAF magazine???(I've seen them before,they get circulated quite often in my line of work) but here's a REAL one,P.Chocolate bar (or for US types, candy bar) lost on flight deckS.Found and eaten 'Satis':-wavePete

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Thanks Robs, Iv not sin em bifor.I thort thay was good.You might hav seen thees thow ?1 Every take off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.2 If you push the stick fprward.The houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back . they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick back, then they get bigger again.3 Flying isn,t dangerous. Crashing is what,s dangerous.4 It,s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were doun here.5 The ONLY time you have too nuch fuel is when you,re on fire.6 The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.7 When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. On one has ever collided with the sky.8 A good landing is one from which you can walk away. A great landing is one after which they can use the plane again.9 Learn from the mistakes of others. You won,t live long enough to make all of them yourself.10 Yoy know you,ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.glidernut:-wave

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Don't drink and fly is a lesson to us all.....Chris,I can't replicate the problem reliably enough to diagnose.....Mostly it is fine but when I start a quick flight with plane on final it seems to generate the problem no matter where you fly the plane (over taxiways etc) or how you land...short final, long final....Think it is something to do with no having taken off first!I dunno...a bug? I haven't had enough time to muck about in seattle trying to replicate at a different airport.On the plus side...I am pleased with how filton is going...I am building the taxiways and aprons at the moment....long boring job....I am enjoying learning... But I wanna keep it all close to my chest until I'm done!Rob.

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Rob,Does this problem occur if you take off, do a circuit, and then land again.....or is it just an "initialise on final approach" problem ? I would love to be able to nail down this problem for you, but I have never experienced it........a bit like nobody else seems to experience those annoying mouse freezes in FLED. If any of you could see what I have to put up with in FLED, you really would wonder why I bother at all :-)Chris Low.

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It seems to be only when you start on final approach.....

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