ones i have found are crap

I've seen people use the Q400 in shared cockpit mode. However the feature is built in to the aircraft, not a separate program. Others have used the Maddog as well, but that's quite a dated plane now though.

so its buily in to like the PMDG planes and stuff

Yes, however unfortunately the PMDG's don't have it. I know some Aerosoft Airbusses do though. Here is an example of someone doing it http://www.twitch.tv/belynz/v/4026446

List of Airliners that are Shared Cockpit Capable:

 

1. Aerosoft Airbus A318/A319/A320/A321. Shared Cockpit is referred to as "Connected Flight Deck", which is a more appropriate name than "Shared Cockpit" where third party addon aircraft are concerned. Shared Cockpit is a Microsoft term for what they built into ESP/FSX for default aircraft, however until the release of the Aerosoft Airbus the term Shared Cockpit was broadly used to cover all aircraft that could be shared.

 

2. Leonardo Maddog MD-80.

 

3. Digital Aviation Fokker F70/100 (No Virtual Cockpit, Shared Cockpit can be a little unstable).

 

4. Majestic Q400 Professional (Not yet released, in Beta Testing).

 

5. FSX Default 737 (Via Multiplayer Control Panel)

 

There are three airliners presently in development that plan to have Shared Cockpit / Connected Flight Deck.

 

 

I strongly recommend the Aerosoft Airbus, as I do the Majestic Dash 8 Professional (when it's released).

 

 

Hope this has been of help.