My donkey??My a$$......are you sure you are qualified to manage a hotel, Mr. Rob?Sincerely,Leona Helmsley

Leona,I am most definitely not qualified for much of anything useful, but then - what is the use of being useful? Sometimes I surprise myself when I don't pee in my pants for a full day ;-)You would be surprised how mind-numbingly boring hotel work is. All Hotel GM's are very high on themselves, all guests are morons...to me, it pays the bills, that's it. My passion, unfortunately, will not pay the bills....so I can only plan on winning the lottery for a retirement program.Maybe if I had done better at University....sometimes, I nearly almost made it to a few of my classes. Now I have a BA on my wall....I say it stands for "Bugger All", they're a dime a dozen but mine cost about $20,000 ;-) #####. Come on 5pm.Rob.PS - Say some more funny things Daryl/Jester, I need a laugh.

Dear ACA856_at_work...Hmm... seems to me you do very little work. Let's count the number of posts from this day's "work" shall we? When did hoteliery involve the monitoring of a newsgroup devoted to PIC767 forum? Wouldn't your time be better spent browsing "hotel related sites" like http://hotelsrus.com or http://www.daysinn.com or http://sleepcountry.com?Now, perhaps you wish you were a self-employed thespian like me. If you were you could post to this forum ad nauseam (and nausaetingly so). It would prove fruitful, enlightening and spam-like in its consistency (whatever that means).As to making you laugh, get stuffed ya British born Cana-wannabe!Your type really makes me :-erksPS I have notified the chain of hotels that you work with. They have assured me that they will be calling you sometime today to confirm your ability to continue "managing".

Even though you have insulted my heritage, my work ethic, my choice of career...the fact that I was even spewed forth from my Mother's womb...I am smiling cause your words are hilarious.You shoudl be writing comedy!I gotta do some work now so I can zoom outta here ASAP.Rob.

Wouldn't call what I do managing - more like reactionary knee-jerking to situations of certain doom and dispair. Can't I be your lackie boot licker on your next movie shoot? BTW, the Blockbuster at the airport did not stock T2, they told me to try the store in Mississauga so I didn't. ;-)I find hotel websites very boring and uninformative once you have erased the extraneous BS they plaster them with. Am I sounding cynical? I think I have been playing the corporate game too long. Keeping up with the latest corproate jargon like 'leverage' and 'synergies', and attending motivational seminars...has made me very unmotivated. My Dad called it being "bone idle". I would be much happier working off at a marina in Muskoka or teaching something to someone in a small school house somewhere. Rant mode to standby please, thank you. I am a psychizophrenic and so am I in my spare time.Well what can I say...if the Franchise people wanna boot me out because some western thespian (watch when you use that word, don't want to confuse our freinds to the south ;-) ....complained....well, this is not the complaints department, this is the getting hit on the head department, try next door for an argument...you can complain, but you may as well not bother, nodody listens....fat German businessmen diving in the pool - scaring the children..and bleedin' Watney's Red Barrel...and some secretary from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diahrhea, and the cubra libra's saying 'oh it doesn't taste like that at home now does it'...and bleedin Watney's Red Barrel where ever you go...and then some emaciated tart singing 'torelemonos' after 6 gin and tonics presenting her big arse to foreigners....and an endless view of hotels and miramar's with local colour and.......All of a sudden, Beetlejuice dissapeared into a puff of logic. Marvin, the depressed android, sobbed. - Name the series, I know you know the paragraph above, let's see if you can guess this obscure reference. It is more fun than calculating ADR and RevPar to the Nth degree and bloody occupancy forecasts...ick.EnuffRob.PS - It's a nice army barracks you got 'ere mate, wouldn't want anythin' to 'appen to it now wouldya? Q - What are the names of the two brother's in this sketch?ACA856 - 13-11-02 - depart 2300 CYOW-CYYZ-KLGA-CYYZ (or maybe CYHM depending).

I give!Let me outta here... Rob is loonier than I am!

Mr. Shuttleworth,We are filing a missing pilot report as you were absent for your own party last night. AAL327, ACA856, ACA332 flew it for you - the invoice will be in the mail.We look forward to your explanation as to why you were absent.Also, the obscure reference in my previous post was from the BBC show "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy"...another classic. The brother's from the army barracks sketch are Doug and Dinsdale Pirannah.Good Day to you.Sincerely,God's Dad.

Rob,Obviously Douglas Adams - I freely admit that I geeked out during my adolescent years in the HHGTTG series, Asimov, Bradbury, LOTR, and even took part in many "The Keep on the Borderlands" campaigns. The rant about the hotel freakshow sounds like something out of a Copeland book or Holden Caulfield's mouth.Ian Elchitz CYWGPlanning KORD KBOS KDCA this eve

The rant is actually Monty Python...I had to ad-lib a bit, did not have the script in front of me ;-)I'll join ya as able....got hockey tonight at 10pm...will do CYHM-KBOS-KDCA...as long as we keep the doors closed, I should be able to do the hop into KDCA. Will leave CYHM around 2300-2330 ZRob,.

Sorry to have missed boys. Wednesdays can be tricky for me as kids, life and :-spam1 can put a spanner in the works. I apologized to elchitz and bevy last night via RW.Now, sorry Murph. Next time I will be there.As for you Hall:Customer: Good Morning. Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! Customer: Ah... man. Owner: What can I do for you, Sir? C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish. O: Peckish, sir? C: Esuriant. O: Eh? C: 'Ee Ah wor 'ungry-like! O: Ah, hungry! C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles! O: Come again? C: I want to buy some cheese. O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the mazuki player! C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse! O: Sorry? C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too! O: So he can go on playing, can he? C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man. O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like? C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester. O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir. C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilset? O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday. C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Cafilly, if you please. O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning. C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bell Paisey? O: Sorry, sir. C: Red Windsor? O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down. C: Ah. Stilton? O: Sorry. C: Emmenthal? Brieire? O: No. C: Any Norweigan Yarlsburger, per chance. O: No. C: Lipta? O: No. C: Lancashire? O: No. C: White Stilton? O: No. C: Danish Brew? O: No. C: Double Goucester? O: No. C: Cheshire? O: No. C: Dorset Bluveny? O: No. C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Porceileu, Savoy Aire, Sampolan, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson? O: No. C: Camenbert, perhaps? O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir. C: (surprised) You do! Excellent. O: Yessir. It's... ah... it's a bit runny... C: Oh, I like it runny. O: Well... It's very runny, actually, sir. C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah! O: I... think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir. C: I don't care how ##### runny it is. Hand it over with all speed. O: Oooooooooohhh........! C: What now? O: The cat's eaten it. C: Has he. O: She, sir. pause) C: Gouda? O: No. C: Idam? O: No. C: Case Ness? O: No. C: Smoked Austrian? O: No. C: Japanese Sage Darby? O: No, sir. C: You... do *have* some cheese, don't you? O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got- C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess. O: Fair enough. C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale. O: Yes? C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that! O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name. pause) C: Greek Feta? O: Uh, not as such. C: Uuh, Gorgonzola? O: no C: Parmesan, O: no C: Mozarella, O: no C: Paper Cramer, O: no C: Danish Bimbo, O: no C: Czech sheep's milk, O: no C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? O: Not -today-, sir, no. (pause) C: Aah, how about Cheddar? O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir. C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world! O: Not 'round here, sir. C: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah? O: 'Illchester, sir. C: IS it. O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire. C: Is it. O: It's our number one best seller, sir! C: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh? O: Right, sir. C: All right. Okay. "Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'. O: I'll have a look, sir... Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it? O: Finest in the district! C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. O: Well, it's so clean, sir! C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.... O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir. C: Would it be worth it? O: Could be.... C: Have you --- SHUT THAT BLOODY MAZUKI OFF! O: Told you sir... C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger? O: No. C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me: O: Yessir? C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all. O: Yes,sir. C: Really? (pause) O: No. Not really, sir. C: You haven't. O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir. C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you. O: Right-0, sir. (The customer takes out a gun and takes out a pistol.) C: What a -senseless- waste of human life. Have a nice day. Don't WORK too hard.:-spam1

Right-O Daryl.A spanner in the works....me thinks you are of English background as well...come on, admit it...or maybe you are from Liverpool and can't bear to be called a Scouser from here on in?Thanks for the laughs.Make sure you have your chaff ready tonight.Rob.