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  1. I know what Spiderman did seemed horrible, but he must have had a good reason for doing it. Spiderman works in mysterious ways. Spiderman loves you.

  2. Watching the Republican debate is like watching a competition to see who's the most mentally incompetent. And they're all winning. When dad told me to watch the debate so he wouldn't have to, I should've refused.

  3. Thanks to the Supreme Court decision that allowed unions and corporations (based on their legal status as individuals) to donate whatever to political campaigns, congress passed a law so that if I want to donate to Stephen Colbert's SuperPAC - which exists solely to mock said Supreme Court decision's implications, I (an actual person) will need approval from the legal division at the Hedge fund where my dad works.

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