10. "Oh, don't worry about that. That fuel gauge always reads zero."9. "'Chicago Approach'??? I thought we were supposed to be in Detroit!"8. "I wonder what this button does?"7. "Is the left wing one of the items on the MEL? (Minimum Equipment List)"6. "What does that flashing red 'FIRE' light mean?"5. "What's a mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?" (From Gary Larson's "Far Side" comic strip)4. "You smell something burning?"3. "Ha ha ha ha... Ho ho ho... he he he... ...wait a minute. This isn't oxygen. It's laughing gas!"2. "What's the procedure for complete hydraulic failure?"1. Oh S$@$&!

What is the worst sound you can hear in an aircraft?NO SOUND!! :)

Other things that you don't want to hear from your flight crew:"Man, do I have a hangover!""You'd think that being up for 36 hours would make you more tired than I am now.""I don't think that those burritos are agreeing with me."(most feared if you are part of the flight crew!)Tim13

>What is the worst sound you can hear in an aircraft?NO SOUND!!

1) Ocean crossing flight: "This is your captain speaking, I just wanted to remind you that you seat cushions can be used as floatation devices."2) "Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography triva. If you can recognise where we are, tell your flight attendent and recieve and extra bag of peanuts."3) "Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock...one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!!"4) As the plane turns around after takeoff: "....uhhhh...we have to go back ...we ...we......uhhhhhhhhh..... forgot something...."5) "Fasten you seatbelt" (In the same tone that your maniac driving friend uses)6) "This is your captain speaking... these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to, so you'll have to give me some leeway..."7) "It would be a good idea right now if everyone closed their window shades right now and watched the inflight movie."8) "Get the parachutes on"9) "Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the captains having."10) "Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sightseeing extravaganza."http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/edenw/fs_banner_je1.jpg Think highly of yourself, for the world takes you at your estimate -Anon

When I was on board a 744, we reached the outer marker to land at Amsterdam, suddenly the Captain turns on the mic and this is what you here:-Outer marker beacon sound-Autopilot disengage sound-"Cabin crew take your seats!"You can imagine what that results to!Also note that it was quite windy that day.All this mixed and some of the "PAX" we're scared to death lol! I knew what was happening but some were thinking different... Man was that fun.

Sanket, that would have been priceless!

I think it was George Carlin who once said that if HE were an airline captain, he'd get on the intercom halfway through the flight and just announce:"Ladies and gentleman, there is absolutely nothing to worry about." :-lol