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jeffhunter

QUANTAS

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Guest ROD

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're for.P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,and be serious.P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget

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Guest ROD

MR YAWNLanding on a golf course is probably not considered an accident if the pilot is an avid golfer. At any rate, no one was hurt.

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>I apologize for any mis"spelt" words.Actually, I've found that "spelt" is acceptable in some places, like Canada, etc... ;)

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This is an URBAN LEGEND and originated in the military, not from an airline. "Target radar" and "IFF" (Identify Friend or Foe) are not equipment found on civilian aircraft.Here's the Snopes.com page on it:http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.aspI also seriously doubt anyone in the aircraft maintinence industry appreciates those comments on their occupation. I'd venture to guess that knowing a 747's mechanical and electronic systems inside out to the point where you can fix anything on the plane immediately while under a time constraint is right on par with everything a professional pilot needs to know while flying the thing. Commercial aviation has progressively gotten safer since its inception and I place a big part of that on the skill of mechanics. Qantas has never had a fatal jet accident btw...

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>Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a>high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us>who fly routinely in their jobs.>As an Aircraft Maintenance Engineer (Aircraft Mechanic in Canada), I take exception to your comment prefacing the Urban Legend. Please get your facts right before spouting nonsense about aircraft mechanics.Cheers,JohnBoeing 727/737 & Lockheed C-130/L-100 Mechanichttp://www.sstsim.com/images/team/JR.jpg

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Guest Adverse Yawn

Actually I just looked this up, the zero accident record is probably correct. Technically Accidents are defined as occurances where serious injury, parts falling of a/c or damage affecting the structural integrity of the a/c take place. A runway overrun with minor damage and minor injuries is officially an Incident!

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Utter codswallop! :-) I had to bite my tongue also when I first read that.As an aircraft maintenance engineer (Australian) and an ex QANTAS (please for heavens sake guys - GET THE NAME RIGHT) one at that, I can assure readers that the whole thread is a load of BS, but considering the context in which it is presented (humour with no mal intent) I just let it ride. Cheers,Roger

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>I maybe wrong, but wasn't the only Cathay incident sabotage?'fraid not. Cathay Pacific Airways 16 Jul 1948 Pacific Ocean between Hong Kong and Macao Consolidated OA-10 Catalina (piracy - idiot shot the pilot)Cathay Pacific Airways 24 Feb 1949 Braemar Resevoir, Hong Kong Douglas DC-3 (crash)Cathay Pacific Airways 23 Jul 1954 Off Hainan Island, China Douglas DC-4 (crash)Cathay Pacific Airways 05 Nov 1967 Hong Kong, China Convair CV-880-22M-3 (ran off runway, Kai Tak)Cathay Pacific Airways 15 Jun 1972 Near Pleiku, Vietnam Convair CV-880-22M-21 (bomb, sabotage)Nothing of late, though!MarkMark "Dark Moment" BeaumontVP Fleet, DC-3 AirwaysTeam Member, MAAM-SIM[a href=http://www.swiremariners.com/cathayhk.html" target="_blank]http://www.paxship.com/maamlogo2.jpg[/a]

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Guest ROD

Thanks for the new phrase (Utter codswallop) Roger! I will use it well. My apologies to any mechanics who were offended - I was so busy laughing at the jokes (which I never took seriously) that I barely read the top paragraph before posting it. Peace, mate!

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Guest Michael

Now that's funny- there is a 'grain ' of truth to that!

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