Desperate ACARS request, Kyle...

[Guest]

Kyle,

 

Sorry to bother you on a Sunday evening but my crew and I are in a bit of trouble. I'm afraid we're going to need your very serious help.

We flew this afternoon from LHR to Moscow. Half way through the flight my co-pilot - returning from a comfort break (one of many - long story!) suddenly noticed THIS:

Not only is it very nearly a year out of date but also, we were flying into Moscow. MOSCOW! - if there's any place on Earth you have to have your papers in order, it's Moscow, Comrade!

Can we tell them "It's in the mail."

or: "The dog ate the current one so we just wanted to show that we had a valid one in the past."

or should we just get used to the idea of staying here, in very low temperatures, for a very long time.

My trusty FO made a valiant effort to stand with his back to the sign when they entered the cockpit to make an inspection of our certificates and licenses but the chaps brushed him aside and, to cut a long stort short, we're in trouble.

 

Please advise on expeditious course of action...

Or we're not going to get to the Vodka Bar tonight.

;-)

Yours,

Jim Plumridge

PMDG 777 Pilot.

(possibly grounded)

 

 

[mrchrsrider 66]

OMG this is hillarious!!! Thanks for the laugh Jim.

*ACARS* message reply.

When you land find Vladimir Sergey, give him the envelope full of cash. He will give you a hard time but will eventually let you through customs, and will quite possibly ask you to take some Kalashnikovs back. Do as he wishes and he will let you pass.

-dispatch

*ACARS* message end

[Guest]

Thanks for that 'mrchrsrider' -

We're currently in the Aeroflot Pilot Lounge - we've been told not to leave - that's going to be hard as there's a lot of booze!

I've put a shout out to a chap called Anhton (chap behind the bar)  - who says he knows  your Vladimir - the guy you're talking about. He's on his way here to sort it thank god.

My FO and SFO say we should just go the plane and fly it away with no pax and baggage as it's already been fuelled. "Youth - it's wasted on the young." - Oscar Wilde.

I'm tempted as with that ZFW we'll TO like 6000 FPM. Mind you, might get chased by some Migs - and that would not be fun.

 

Keep the advice coming chaps.

 

[richjb2 195]

Jim,

I wouldn't worry about the Russians.  I would worry more about a SAFA check in Europe!  Once they find this, they will go through ALL your paperwork! 

Best of luck!

Rich Boll

Wichita KS. 

 

 

 

[downscc 1,327]

Why does a British registered airframe have a US FCC station license anyway?? 

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, richjb2 said:

Jim,

I wouldn't worry about the Russians.  I would worry more about a SAFA check in Europe!  Once they find this, they will go through ALL your paperwork! 

Best of luck!

Rich Boll

Wichita KS. 

 

OMG!

You're so not helping!

Luckily we're back at the hotel now and chatting away to some Aeroflot guys - who happen to be here - we've got a plan;

In the absence of Kyle posting anything useful we're simply going to take the Big Fella off the tarmac tomorrow morning - when there's no-one looking.

Wait - Captain's thoughts and reflections: "That'll be the Vodka talking."

 

We might have an insy, wincy, diplomatic incident developing here.

Sorry.

Jim Plumridge

(Soon to be down rated back onto Single Prop - although that's cool - nothing wrong with being able to fly manually, in a tiny little car-sized aircraft, with no romance, far-destinations, and incredible speeds - NOT.)

 

 

14 minutes ago, richjb2 said:

 

 

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, downscc said:

Why does a British registered airframe have a US FCC station license anyway?? 

That's a damn good question and, as PIC, I want the answers! NOW.

Or, 

I'm going to stay in my luxury hotel room, with plenty of booze, a stones throw from the great bars on Red Square, caviar, Champagne, no "re-positioning date" and just sit it out".

 

 

 

 

[richjb2 195]

The SAFA folks will have field day with this crew! :)

Rich 

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, richjb2 said:

The SAFA folks will have field day with this crew! :)

Rich 

Okay. We've been in the bar for , like, hours.

What is SAFA?

Oh yeah, I know.

 

(Makes his way from the bar to the elevators. Room is on the 12th floor but there's tea and buns on the 7th. Now that's an ALTN worth doing)

Good night.

 

 

[Ephedrin 418]

3 hours ago, richjb2 said:

Jim,

I wouldn't worry about the Russians.  I would worry more about a SAFA check in Europe!  Once they find this, they will go through ALL your paperwork! 

Best of luck!

Rich Boll

Wichita KS. 

 

 

 

LMAO 

 

so true

Edited November 27, 2017 by Ephedrin
Political correctness

[scandinavian13 5,192]

17 hours ago, ganter said:

Please advise on expeditious course of action...

Or we're not going to get to the Vodka Bar tonight.

Bribe money is always kept in a locked box at the back of the crew rest area. Some areas of the world, even correct paperwork requires a bit of grease.

Also: OPS wishes to advise and remind you that it is the responsibility of the pilot in command to verify all paperwork is in order prior to departure, and any remedies requested via company channels. If any more immediate assistance is requested, please reach out to the local consulate.

[Captain Kevin 586]

Divert to another airport or return to departure?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, scandinavian13 said:

Bribe money is always kept in a locked box at the back of the crew rest area. Some areas of the world, even correct paperwork requires a bit of grease.

Also: OPS wishes to advise and remind you that it is the responsibility of the pilot in command to verify all paperwork is in order prior to departure, and any remedies requested via company channels. If any more immediate assistance is requested, please reach out to the local consulate.

That sorted it in the end. Cold hard currency. We now all owe the FO a few hundred quid each but that's all good experience for him. Experience being cheap at any price, etc, etc.

The consular official would have been useless as by the time we did get to `the vodka bar 'he' was inebriated under a table having got there a few hours before us.

[Nighthwk 566]

But doesn’t RSR have a consulate in Moscow?

[rsrandazzo 6,353]

John,

Yes.  And we also accept bribes.