Hello everyone,I received this from a colleague at work. It is responses from Qantas aircraft mechanics on the maintenance sheets to the repair requests by pilots. I don't think I have laughed so hard in a LONG TIME!Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one, but never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour! After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Enjoy!John

:( Thanks!

:( :( Thanks for sharing!

That was funny, however I wouldn't knock the education level of the Mechanics. Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda Motor Company didn't even have a high school diploma. Most mechanics are mechanically inclined naturally and this is something that cannot be learned in any school. I thought this was great and perhaps an example of the culture that exists amongst the ranks at that airline.

That was funny, however I wouldn't knock the education level of the Mechanics. Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda Motor Company didn't even have a high school diploma. Most mechanics are mechanically inclined naturally and this is something that cannot be learned in any school. I thought this was great and perhaps an example of the culture that exists amongst the ranks at that airline.

I don't think anyone is knocking on the education level of mechanics. I think being a mechanic for an Airline is hard and challenging work and a highly responsible job (in essence they share the responsibility for the safety of the aircraft along with the flight crew) - also being somewhat mechanically inclined myself I have nothing but respect for them.For me, the only thing shown here is that they have a great sense of humor!

These have appeared in various forms on the forums here, usually about once or twice a year. It's always funny to read again (and again), although whether such entries were really logged and with a specific airline is not known:http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp-John

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious..

PRICELESS! :(

I don't think anyone is knocking on the education level of mechanics. I think being a mechanic for an Airline is hard and challenging work and a highly responsible job (in essence they share the responsibility for the safety of the aircraft along with the flight crew) - also being somewhat mechanically inclined myself I have nothing but respect for them.For me, the only thing shown here is that they have a great sense of humor!

Agreed :(

Hello everyone,I received this from a colleague at work. It is responses from Qantas aircraft mechanics on the maintenance sheets to the repair requests by pilots. I don't think I have laughed so hard in a LONG TIME

Here's a link for you:http://forums1.avsim.net/index.php?showtop...0&hl=midgetBut yes it's always a humorous read to see these.