This forum is replete with many issues, bugs, complaints about our new sim, MSFS. Asobo has faithfully chronicled our needs and wishers. Well, I garnered this gem from a FB page. I take it that the listing is real or at least came from an actual UPS document or accounting of which. Still, it is knee-slapping hilarious and good to share:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

This post gets a 9.5 in LOL's  (OK, maybe just some smiles).

lol good read ..

Ill add one from my own experience .....

 

P: one of the crew members just wont stop talking and whining about the trash left by the last crew . 

S: Trash was removed however the whining crew member may come back . 

Edited October 9, 20205 yr by rtodepart

These "problems", and a host of others, have been around for years. I've seen them attributed to United, TWA, the Navy, the Air Force, Southwest, Continental, etc. This is the first time for UPS though.

Been around for years but always brings a smile.

This one didn't include one of my favourites that always makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up...

P: Autoland touchdown a bit rough

S: Autoland not fitted to this aircraft

37 minutes ago, W2DR said:

These "problems", and a host of others, have been around for years. I've seen them attributed to United, TWA, the Navy, the Air Force, Southwest, Continental, etc. This is the first time for UPS though.

Yep - in USAF back in the early 80’s and the debriefers got some real zingers. I haven’t laughed all day until now!

This is still doing the rounds, I recall the first one I saw in 1995. I dont know how true these are (were they really by aircrew or made up by a witty person?) but they do give a good chuckle 😄

As others have pointed out, this list has been attributed to a lot of sources over the years, although the chances are it is a combination of being somewhat apocryphal and/or possibly with some military origins, rather than originating with UPS. I doubt UPS aeroplanes have ever had an I.F.F. system and a Target Radar fitted to them.

 

Edited October 9, 20205 yr by Chock