Hi Mr Robert Captain,
Basically what happened, was I let a young, very enthusiastic 4 year old in the flight deck to watch the takeoff. Little I knew, he REALLY liked the look of the fuel control switches and thus, ended up playing with them without us noticing on climb out. He then decided to convince the Captain to move into the jumpseat and let him fly from the left seat. Now given we were on an IFR flight plan and he's a short 4 year old - he claimed he could see the instruments perfect. Fair play, Captain agreed and instead of trying to restart the engines I was forced to try land it. Meanwhile the real captain was on his new fancy iPhone 7+ replying to his endless count of women (not including his wife) and I'm pretty sure letting them (yes, them) know he won't be able to see them down route. Next thing you know, I'm trying to squawk 7500 and I kid you not, this little 4 year old bit my hand. Full on, BITE. I was like daaaaaaamn where are your parents?! He then ripped off my stripes whilst throwing commands down my throat and the next thing I knew we were on the ground. He also set Autobrakes Max Auto as 'banter' - jokes on him when he went flying through the windshield on touchdown :wink:
So that's the truth, I hope you understand and let me carry out my duties for my scheduled BOS in a couple days. I promise to let no more extremely enthusiastic 4 year olds up front.
Ps. I believe the 4 year old also REALLY liked the sound of the APU. A-P-U is funky apparently. Anyways, he must have started that the cheeky little.....