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W2DR

Old guys in the military.....

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I have no idea were I originally saw this or who the author might be but I found it in some old files I was about to delete and thought I'd resurrect it for posterity...and, maybe a couple of laughs.

 

I am over 80 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.  You can't be older than 42 to join the military.  They've got the whole thing word not allowed-backwards.

         
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 55.

                          
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

                          
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  'My back hurts!  I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.'  We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some a**hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

                 
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 am.  Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.  Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son*of*a*word not allowed.
                          
If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
                         
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.  We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.  We've also developed an appreciation for guns.  We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
                          
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training
                          
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too.  I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
                          
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.  He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
                          
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
                          
Let us old guys track down those terrorists.  The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million word not allowed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

 

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Right on, Doug!  Nuthin' meaner than us old fogies!  👴  Don't even pester me before coffee in the morning!  As a side note, I remember my dad telling me that when he enlisted in the army in WWII, they almost would not accept him because he was 25 years old!

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Charlie Aron

Awaiting the new Microsoft Flight Sim and the purchase of a new system.  Running a Chromebook for now! :cool:

                                     

 

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TYVM for an entertaining post, know exactly what you mean, but I wish, at 76, I only needed to get out for a leak just once a night.  🙂  Regards.

M.

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Very Best Wishes,

Dr T. Maurice Murphy

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Posted (edited)

This is a bit like my (far less politically correct) idea for the ultimate, unstoppable fighter/bomber pilot squadron...

You have four separate barracks, each one of the four housing a squadron of female fighter/bomber pilots. Each squadron of girls is on a different erm, 'cycle' shall we call it? Four being the number required to cover monthly operational readiness. Why go to all that trouble? Well, every bloke knows what a futile and dangerous thing it is to get into a fight with your wife/girlfriend/partner when it is that particular time of the month. This is a fight in which you absolutely know are going to get your @rse kicked without her even breaking a sweat.

The briefing for any mission will simply consist of telling the active squadron that: 'the enemy is over there ladies, they have your chocolate bars, and they are refusing to give them back to you...'. Then you just stand back and watch those girls show us what estrogen, PMS, and even the tiniest excuse for an argument, whilst at the controls of an F-15E can achieve. They'll make Goose and Maverick look like a bunch of lightweight amateurs in comparison, and the enemy will have probably surrendered by lunchtime. 🤣

Edited by Chock
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Alan Bradbury

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7 hours ago, W2DR said:

 I was am over 80 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.  You can't be older than 42 to join the military.   

I think it should be merit based to some extent but maybe with a cut off around 50 years old, figuring they could serve to 70 which would give them 20 years of service. That being said, consideration would need to be give in what types of jobs they’d be allowed to do. 

I’m one of those late bloomer types when it comes to aging and I’m a competive amature athlete. I know for certain that even being 45, I could run circles around most recruits half my age and would have no trouble going through obstacle courses, long runs or other tests of physical skill or endurance.

Plus older people have more life experience and usually are prone to better judgment making that 18-22 year olds.

Frankly I wouldn’t be opposed to have the max age lifted to 45-50 if your more than academically and physically qualified.

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Avsim Board of Directors | Avsim Forums Moderator

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Chock you are 100% correct. What, they have my chocolate !   KILL !!  Add in PMS and it's really deadly. Talk about overkill...

 Sue

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Sue - Not wanting to offend, I didn't include the last couple of lines...

HEY!!  How about recruiting Women over 50... in menopause!!!  You think MEN have attitudes??  Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!  If nothing else, put them on border patrol.  They'll have it secured the first night!


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Posted (edited)

I've done it both ways and I gotta say I enjoyed it more as an 'old' man than I did as a young one.

I was 18 years old when I joined the Marine Corps.  23 when I switched over to the Air Force and 35 when I got out to try civilian life.

16 years later I joined the Colorado Air National Guard and culture shock not mention generation gap.  I had fun...lots of fun.  I retired at the mandatory retirement age of 60 as a senior master sergeant with a total of 26 years of service in three services actually.  The Marines, the Air Force.  And in the Colorado Air Guard my weather flight was actually assigned to an armored cavalry regiment in the Montana Guard.  We spent a lot of time in the field with Army.

Noel

 

 

Edited by birdguy
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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It's OK Chock. I've seen the full version before. When we come out the other side of menopause, we regain our sanity. All the hormonal BS is over. Sanest I've ever been. LOL

 Sue

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Posted (edited)

I was in the Navy for four years and learned a lot of bad habits, but I would be willing to serve in any of the other services.

Edited by dobee51

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