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One of the best I've heard in a while.....

Featured Replies

"Old? I'm so old I don't even buy green bananas anymore."

Intel 10700K @ 5.1Ghz, Asus Hero Maximus motherboard, Noctua NH-U12A cooler, Corsair Vengeance Pro 32GB 3200 MHz RAM, RTX 2060 Super GPU, Cooler Master HAF 932 Tower, Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU, Windows 10 Professional 64-Bit, 100TB of disk storage. Klaatu barada nickto.

My favorite is:

Two old men are sitting around one night

One says to the other "my wife and I went to the most wonderful restaurant last night you and your wife have to try it"

The other asks the name

The first man goes blank with a perplexed look and says "oh cr*p, what's that flower, it's red, got those thorns, you know, what is it?"

The other man says "a Rose?"

Yes, yes, that's it and he turns to the kitchen and screams out "Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night"   

🙂  

Have a Wonderful Day

-Paul Solk

Boeing777_Banner_BetaTeam.jpg

Three old men at the nursing home were talking.

One says, "I hate being old, I get up in the morning to pee and it's just little dribbles, takes forever for me to pee.

The second one says, "Yeah, it's tough, but I have a different problem.  I have not had an easy bowel movement in years.  I end up sitting on the toilet for nearly an hour every morning.

The third one says, "Being old is the pits.  Every morning at 7 AM I have to pee and it's a steady stream, then at 8:30 I have my bowel movement, always smooth and effortless."

The other two look at him and say, "That's great, why are you complaining?"

The third man replies, "I don't wake up until 9."

My computer: ABS Gladiator Gaming PC featuring an Intel 10700F CPU, EVGA CLC-240 AIO cooler (dead fans replaced with Noctua fans), Asus Tuf Gaming B460M Plus motherboard, 16GB DDR4-3000 RAM, 1 TB NVMe SSD, EVGA RTX3070 FTW3 video card, dead EVGA 750 watt power supply replaced with Antec 900 watt PSU.

1 hour ago, stans said:

Three old men at the nursing home were talking.

One says, "I hate being old, I get up in the morning to pee and it's just little dribbles, takes forever for me to pee.

The second one says, "Yeah, it's tough, but I have a different problem.  I have not had an easy bowel movement in years.  I end up sitting on the toilet for nearly an hour every morning.

The third one says, "Being old is the pits.  Every morning at 7 AM I have to pee and it's a steady stream, then at 8:30 I have my bowel movement, always smooth and effortless."

The other two look at him and say, "That's great, why are you complaining?"

The third man replies, "I don't wake up until 9."

Very good!  1st prize🤣

A 90-year-old man went to see his doctor for his quarterly checkup.  The doctor asked if anything was new in his life.

The old man said, "Well, yes, I got married."

The doctor asked, "How old is your new bride?"

The old man replied, "Twenty-four."

The doctor replied, "Be careful old timer, at your age sex with such a young woman could be fatal."

To which the old man said, "Well, Doc, if she dies, she dies."

Noel

 

 

The tires are worn.  The shocks are shot.  The steering is wobbly.  But the engine still runs fine.

  • Moderator

I finished tracing my family tree. It grows mostly nuts... 🤪

Fr. Bill    

AOPA Member: 07141481 AARP Member: 3209010556


     Avsim Board of Directors | Avsim Forums Moderator
  • Author

The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked.

The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Whoopie,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid is.”

Intel 10700K @ 5.1Ghz, Asus Hero Maximus motherboard, Noctua NH-U12A cooler, Corsair Vengeance Pro 32GB 3200 MHz RAM, RTX 2060 Super GPU, Cooler Master HAF 932 Tower, Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU, Windows 10 Professional 64-Bit, 100TB of disk storage. Klaatu barada nickto.

On 7/13/2022 at 2:12 PM, n4gix said:

I finished tracing my family tree. It grows mostly nuts... 🤪

Well, my family tree seems to have no branches. :blink:😜

My computer: ABS Gladiator Gaming PC featuring an Intel 10700F CPU, EVGA CLC-240 AIO cooler (dead fans replaced with Noctua fans), Asus Tuf Gaming B460M Plus motherboard, 16GB DDR4-3000 RAM, 1 TB NVMe SSD, EVGA RTX3070 FTW3 video card, dead EVGA 750 watt power supply replaced with Antec 900 watt PSU.

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