Let me apologize...

Bear with me here this is long.

A bit about me.  I am a true no nonsense individual, in business, in my personal relationships in my auto racing one thing I have always been is authentic.  I tend to speak my mind and I am very opinionated.  I also love to play devils advocate.  In person those qualities can be offset with a mere facial expression.  In written form not always so.  The term I use with my customers is WYSIWYG  What You See is What You Get.  I don't try to be anything I'm not and I won't say something just because it is what someone wants to hear however one thing I always try to be is respectful.  If ANYONE here feels I have been less than respectful to them, moderators included who take an enormous amount of abuse I absolutely sincerely apologize. While I try to be blunt and straight forward I do not wish to treat anyone with a lack of respect.  

Now a bit about me you may not know.  I'm 47 years old.  I have six spinal fusions, two hip replacements, pre-esophageal cancer, crohn's disease, Lyme disease (we just found out about that one when I started having mini-strokes)  On my best day my pain on a 1-10 is a 4.  Despite this I try to be the most positive, optimistic, grateful and perspective filled person I can.  I live my life that no matter how bad my problems are there is always someone who would give ANYTHING to have MY problems.  My passions outside of Avsim include being an ambassador for Ronald McDonald House an organization very dear to my heart due to my own extended stays in hospital and rehab facilities.  

Why does anyone care about this?  They probably don't but my point was we never know what someone else is experiencing behind the keyboard.  Myself included I need to do a better job of being empathetic to others here, less judgmental and more compassionate and civilized.  

If anyone is interested here is a blog I wrote 5 years ago (hard to believe) that I have expanded on a few times since. Hopefully if you take the time to read you will understand a bit more about me, especially if you see a post that is snarky, testy, rude or inappropriate.  There may be more to it than just what is being said in that post and I apologize now for what I've done in my past postings and if I make the same mistake in the future... It is truly not intentional and I don't mean anyone any disrespect, life is too short for that. 

 

The UnSpoken: Racing to connect injury and illness to mental impact

A long read by today's standards but hope it is worth your while...

It wasn’t until the nurse sat in my hospital room reading back my list of illnesses, injuries and hospitalizations did I take a moment to reflect on what I have been through and the lessons I have learned along the way. For everyone who has ever said to themselves “Every time I feel like I get a break, get ahead and turn a corner something is there to cut me out at the knees,” this post is for you…
So Medical History Mr. Solk
Wait, is this right? How old are you?
Me, 42…
Nurse:
2 Spinal fusions
Discectomy 
Avascular Necrosis
Right hip replaced twice? The same hip?
Ramsay Hunt Syndrome The 2nd nurse, “I have never even heard of that one”
Barrett’s Esophagus
Nissen Phundoplycation
GERD
Gastrititis
Esophagitis
Duodenitis
Polyps removed from throat
Tonsils and adenoid removal due to GERD
Right Knee surgery and Right Ankle surgery
Yeah, but those last two don’t really count…
You were here for a week in February I see?
Yep, Had ulcers all over my intestinal tract, lost 30 pounds 
And why are you here now? Stomach flare up again just like in February, already down 12 pounds but it was actually the pain in my back that brought me in. Felt like I broke my ribs wretching. 
And what have they found?
Duodenitis, nodules on the esophagus, gastritis, gall bladder not working properly and they found a 6.5mm kidney stone hence which explains why I thought I cracked a rib.
Nurse with almost tears in her eyes, but you are so young

Yeah, but it could always be worse… There are people all over the world who would give anything to be laying here with THAT list of problems and my current problems. There are always people who would give anything to have MY problems. 
Her: "wow, that is an amazing way of looking at it"
That was the very moment that I realized that my list of issues, illnesses, injuries are not a burden but the very essence of what has made me into who I am and allows me to have the perspective I do. If ever given the choice of going through life without this list of learning opportunities I don’t know that I would take that pill. For if it wasn’t for the things that broke me down I don’t know if I would have ever learned what it means to overcome, to fight through, to eliminate self-pity, (hey, I am human, I have moments too but they are fewer, farther between, criticized and rationalized internally very quickly) allowing me to look at the world beyond my problems, to truly be grateful for what I have and to live to fulfill my dreams instead of living life waiting for my dreams to come to me… 
For every issue I ever encounter there will always be someone whose issues are greater than mine. Always be grateful for what you have not critical of what you have been through, life is one big learning experience and how we handle the lessons we learn along the way ultimately determine our happiness, not the good times, not the bad times, but our ability to recognize, rationalize, cope, learn, apply our right foot even when our body tells us not too and grow is what makes us all who we are… Be good to yourself, be good to each other, be grateful, be giving and be happy, that’s all I wish for everyone who I am glad enough to call a friend… Keep your right foot down, check your mirrors but don't focus on them what's behind you is done, focus forward and go go go even when your body and mind says no no no...
-Paul Solk
October 2016

3 years later after my last spinal fusion and being told I would never race again we wont the National Championship.  My Spinal surgeon keeps the picture on his desk... 

But I am prouder that every year we fill the car with gifts for the children at Ronald McDonald house and bring gifts to the children while allowing them to be a race car driver for a few minutes...  

Edited November 16, 20214 yr by psolk

Dang Paul, what an unusually uplifting tale you've told! Thank you ever so much for sharing some of your travails. Thank you also for your generosity in supporting the Ronald McDonald House(s).

Who'd you upset for this long apology and just what did you do/say? 😂

Kidding aside, I'm in a similar boat as you, but not with a laundry list as long as yours. I'm partially deaf which, honestly, doesn't bother me that much because I've had it all my life. How can you miss something you never had, right?

That's not the doozy, though, it's bilateral vestibulopathy, or a dysfunction of the balance organs in my inner ears. In short, my gyroscopes are shot. The main symptom is oscillopsia, which is the world before me is bouncing and jerking this way and that. With my eyes closed, I have no idea if I'm leaning too far left or too far right. I require tactile input in the dark to better sense where I am in space and keep myself upright. I've lived with this since November of 2000, pretty much exactly 21 years. It took a long, long time to accept it and learn to live with it rather than against it.

Have also had cancer, but was fortunate in that it was one of the more treatable and curable cancers out there (Hodgkin's), so I was able to defeat that.

The point: I agree with you 100% about how those things in life shape who we are and how we approach life philosophically but need to be more careful about how we relate to others while remembering that not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

From around 2003ish to now, I focus on the things I can do and what I can enjoy rather than can't. That creed, along with acceptance, has made my life far more enjoyable to live.

I'm a pretty secular guy, but the saying "God only gives you what you can handle" resonates with me here.

Edited November 16, 20214 yr by CLE_AA-5B_GrummanTiger
word not allowed, substitution

1 hour ago, psolk said:

Why does anyone care about this? They probably don't....

I think you will find that many of us care a lot more about it than you think. Bravo for writing such an honest and thought provoking message 👍

38 minutes ago, Christopher Low said:

I think you will find that many of us care a lot more about it than you think.

And we care about YOU Paul. Hang in there buddy. You have more friends here than you realize. Say anything you'd like here. Those of us who respect you won't care. And to the others....WNA.

Like Dave said.  We are a bunch of friends here.  I think Dave and I have been pretty outspoken at times.  I feel the way you do Paul.  There are times you and I would be chewing at different ends of the rope and times when we would be best buddies.  Those are kinds of friends I like.

About the Ronald McDonald House.  On my limited fixed income I can only afford to support about 100 bucks a month divided evenly between St Jude's Children's Research Hospital, Shriner's Children's Hospital, Make a Wish Foundation, and the ASPCA.  Sorry I can't afford to include the Ronald McDonald House.

Noel

Paul, not to worry!  If I see something going on, I usually assume someone is having a "bad hair" day or the likes.   Never happens in my case!!  Nothing like being able to comb your hair with a washcloth! 👴🏻

17 minutes ago, birdguy said:

On my limited fixed income I can only afford to support about 100 bucks a month divided evenly between St Jude's Children's Research Hospital, Shriner's Children's Hospital, Make a Wish Foundation, and the ASPCA. 

Good on ya Noel. I just wish more folks would contribute something. Anything. I grew up in a three room house on a dirt road. I know what it's like to have nothing. I too give as much as I can. But it doesn't have to be only money. My wife and I volunteer at the local food bank. That's the place where hungry and homeless folks can come and get free food...for the whole family. So many people in the world need help. And it's up to us, the lucky ones, to give that help. Even it's just a can of beans donated to a local charity...Doug

Edited November 16, 20214 yr by W2DR
Kant spel

@n4gix thank you... I consider myself fortunate to have suffered the hardships I did or I don't think I would have the perspective I do...  As for Ronald McDonald House I am so fortunate to work for a company that matches up to $25,000 in donations per employee.  Even if I spend a day at the food bank or RMH I can submit the hours and they will make a donation for my hours.  I will submit the receipt for all of those gifts and they will write a check to match it.  I am beyond fortunate, to not find ways to give back defeats the purpose of that fortune (and I don't mean money sadly LOL)

@CLE_AA-5B_GrummanTiger Mostly myself but the list is long and plentiful I am sure!!!  🙂  You are obviously a person of immense strength and fortitude.  I was suffering from vertigo and syncope the past few months and I could not imagine what it is like for you.  I admire your strength and attitude and wish you nothing but the best in the future!!! Hopefully more good days than bad. 

@Christopher Low Thank you...  Your words mean a lot truly.  I actually do Motivational speaking about this and my journey now as a result of all of this. I had an officer from Australia, mid- 30's in excruciating pain and terrified of having a hip replacement.  He saw one of my videos on YouTube, reached out and after a few long conversations he had the procedure and is pain free.  Knowing I helped even one person made opening up worth it!

@W2DR You have always been awesome and continue to be so!  Your words carry a lot of weight... 

@birdguy, Noel, I have an immensely deep respect for you which goes unspoken.  I love your tales, your wisdom and your experiences and am grateful you take the time to share.  My own grandfather is 103 now.  His greatest gift was sitting down at about 90 and dictating his memoirs to a family friend.  From them coming around to light the oil street lamps to the first time he saw an airplane while being deployed in WWII to everything he has seen in recent times.  His greatest gift was sharing his experiences and stories...

As for the donations you make those are all incredible organizations!!!  I will make you a commitment right now to match all of those donations as every single one of them holds a place in my heart as well and my company will match what I give so your $100 just became $300 my friend! 

@charliearon you have had to slap my wrist and it was well deserved.  I am "usually" willing to take it on the chin and know when I've crossed a line and most of the time I am far more disappointed in myself than anything.  I am greatly appreciative of everything you and the team do.  Volunteer work is a unique experience sometimes!

16 minutes ago, W2DR said:

Good on ya Noel. I just wish more folks would contribute something. Anything. I grew up in a three room house on a dirt road. I know what it's like to have nothing. I too give as much as I can. But it doesn't have to be only money. My wife and I volunteer at the local food bank. That's the place where hungry and homeless folks can come and get free food...for the whole family. So many people in the world need help. And it's up to us, the lucky ones, to give that help. Even it's just a can of beans donated to a local charity...Doug

I love this... My wife and I are huge supporters of our local pantries.  There is SO MUCH that can be done locally without costing anything more than time.  Doug, that is wonderful.  I am fortunate my wife is very passionate as well so she has opened my eyes to how much we can do... 

It's also amazing to me how far a sincere thank you goes...  It special to see someone's face light up when you show them true gratitude.,  

Honestly, thank you all.  Just reading this thread and learning more about a few of you has really restored some positivity to my day.  Thank you

4 minutes ago, psolk said:

I will make you a commitment right now to match all of those donations as every single one of them holds a place in my heart as well and my company will match what I give so your $100 just became $300 my friend! 

You da man Paul...........Doug

What can I say Paul.  I thank you and I'm sure those organizations thank you.

I volunteered at our local wildlife refuge for about 8 years, or until I became too feeble to clamber down to the creek to take water samples and wade out in the ponds to bait duck traps.

But it wasn't really volunteering.  It was fun.  I loved it.  I was also their unofficial photographer.  They used a lot of my bird pictures in some of the publications.

Sometimes I would put in a 30 hour week out there helping the biologists with all sorts of things from banding birds to trapping field mice and shooing rattlesnakes away from the visitor center.

If I am reincarnated I want to a be a wildlife biologist in my next life.  I hope I can bring my CPL along with me.

Noel

2 hours ago, psolk said:

Thank you...  Your words mean a lot truly.  I actually do Motivational speaking about this and my journey now as a result of all of this. I had an officer from Australia, mid- 30's in excruciating pain and terrified of having a hip replacement.  He saw one of my videos on YouTube, reached out and after a few long conversations he had the procedure and is pain free.  Knowing I helped even one person made opening up worth it!

Talking of hip replacements....I had a freak accident right outside my office building on February 19 last year, and broke my left hip. They were going to give me a full hip replacement at first, but then decided that because I was "only" 52 years old, they would do what they call a partial hip replacement. Basically, they inserted three metal screws into the bone, and allowed it to knit back together. It took several months to heal properly, but after 21 months.....so far, so good. I can walk perfectly normally now, although it does niggle a bit at times!

Edited November 16, 20214 yr by Christopher Low

Paul - I would venture a guess that the back stories of many of our members would make fascinating reading. The levels of experience in so many different fields is mind boggling. It is what makes Avsim what it is. We all have bad days and a snarky remark is made worse by the rigidity of the written word. I try to take that into consideration in my mod duties along with the fact that English is a second language for many of our members. I wish I could be as fluent in their languages as they are in mine.

So, IMHO, I have never seen you seriously offend someone. It's the joys of having an online presence.

BTW, I had lung cancer in 1988 when I was 51 - lost part of a lung - but here I am, pushing 85 in January - so just take it one day at a time. My attitude is simple, if I wake up AND I am breathing - it's gonna be a good day!  🙂 

Vic

Vic,

First and foremost, thank you, I really appreciate it.  I've been fortunate enough to be here for years and don't want to make it a negative experience for anyone....

More importantly I am truly happy for you and those that love you that they still get to spend time with you at 85!  Medicine has come so far and surviving in the late 80's meant you truly endured a great deal.  

Like you I like to say if my feet are on the ground and my head is in the air I'm ok, if it's the other way around we have an issue...

Thank you and continued good health.

@Christopher Low Did you have a resurfacing as well or just the hardware?  I've had friends who had the resurfacing with very good results but hip replacements now are amazing.  My Total Hip replacement took 45 minutes I was walking 3 hours later and limp free 7 days later.  The revision was much more complicated, my Dr was upset that I killed his timing average on operations with the revision LOL.  I still look in awe when I see the x-rays with all the hardware in my body....  Glad you are pain free!