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Ron Attwood

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...But to hell with it!


These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded....but they are funny!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an i.d.i.o.t.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 

----------------------------


These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers - comments that were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Centre)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS ...

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't ... Sign here."
 
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Sounds about right!  Good ones, Ron!:wacko:

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Charlie Aron

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Thanks.  Love all of them.

Jeff Smith


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Now  why Avsim doesn't have that smiling face in the "like" menu (just the heart and upvote) 😃 ?  

Missing is what pupils think of their teachers and offenders of the police officers !


Dominique

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FPS - Just say NO

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Years ago when there was a nationwide 55 mile an hour speed limit due to the gas shortage I drove my son from Denver, where we were living then, to his home in Phoenix.

On the way back I was tooling along at 85 through New Mexico near Quemado when I saw a truck parked on the opposite side of the highway.  As I passed him I noticed a patrol car parked behind him.  I looked in the rear view and his red lights came on.

I crested the top of a hill and pulled over and waited for him.

He stopped behind me and got out and asked me if I knew how fast I was going.  I said, "Yes sir, I was doing 85"

He kinda chuckled and went back to write my citation.  He handed it to me and said, "Sign here."  I signed it.  He cited me for going 65 and saved me from a larger fine.

There's no use in trying to play dumb or arguing with them.  It seldom works.  The best break you can get is being honest and polite.

Noel

 

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1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an i.d.i.o.t.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 

The first time I saw this was over 30 years ago; at the time, it was supposed to be quotes from RN Officers' annual fitness reports!

 

What goes around, comes around!  :)

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On 7/3/2019 at 3:05 PM, birdguy said:

Years ago when there was a nationwide 55 mile an hour speed limit due to the gas shortage I drove my son from Denver, where we were living then, to his home in Phoenix.

On the way back I was tooling along at 85 through New Mexico near Quemado when I saw a truck parked on the opposite side of the highway.  As I passed him I noticed a patrol car parked behind him.  I looked in the rear view and his red lights came on.

I crested the top of a hill and pulled over and waited for him.

He stopped behind me and got out and asked me if I knew how fast I was going.  I said, "Yes sir, I was doing 85"

He kinda chuckled and went back to write my citation.  He handed it to me and said, "Sign here."  I signed it.  He cited me for going 65 and saved me from a larger fine.

There's no use in trying to play dumb or arguing with them.  It seldom works.  The best break you can get is being honest and polite.

Noel

 

Absolutely true!  I got pulled over once.  The officer was nice and was nice to him, very polite and we even engaged in a little humor about my speed.  He wrote me up as doing 63 MPH in a 45 MPH zone, but I was going quite a bit more than 63.  Keeping the whole thing civil kept me from being written up for reckless driving.  I also paid the fine, did not contest, even wrote a letter of apology and a commendation for the officer.  That must have worked too because I never got any negative points on my driver's license and my insurance rate never went up.

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