This is a small collection of humor I've collected over the past few weeks:

Just some light humor I've collected over the past week or so...

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday! 

Just asked a 6 year old if he understands why there is no school.  He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

On the bright side, I am no longer calling this shelter-in-place. I am an artist-in-residence.
 
After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my home but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

Where is your next travel destination?
      - Las Kitchenas
      - Los Lounges
      - Santa Bedroomes
      - Porto Gardenas
      - Los Bed
      - Costa del Patios
      - St. Bathroom
      - La Rotonda de Sofa
 
You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life.
 
If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.
 
2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.
 
Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
 
Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
 
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
 
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
 
Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home. 
 

YES! Fr. Bill. A most hilarious post! . I must remember to use a few of those. 

47 minutes ago, HighBypass said:

YES! Fr. Bill. A most hilarious post! . I must remember to use a few of those. 

+++1, good 'un Fr Your two have cheered me up no end. My sis in the States as a frequent flyer nearly had apoplexy as I kept the punch line away from her, Mark, on your Piper Cub vid🤣

Edited April 18, 20206 yr by vc10man

My cousin, who loves to travel and was going to do a summer abroad for her international affairs masters program, has been taking the travel restrictions hard.  I told her she could travel inside the apartment and that the sofa would make a pretty good Serbia (which is where she was supposed to go).  She and her roommate divided up the furniture and put little international flags everywhere.

Apparently they're doing well now, cooking in Ukraine and serving dinner in the eat-in Latvia.

Thanks for this, Fr. Bill!

It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

 

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk, saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. 

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. 

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. 

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. 

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. 

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. 

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. 

No one produced anything. No one earned anything...   However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.

 

 

GENIUS!! Cheers. 

My favorite: This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

The travel destinations were also great. 

Thanks for cheering me/us up a bit. 

 

 

On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2020 at 12:00 PM, hjsmuc said:

My favorite: This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

That was my favorite one as well, even though I haven't touched a drop for nearly 50 years now... 

Edited April 20, 20206 yr by n4gix
corrected "have" to "haven't"!!!

I just hung out with myself for 3 weeks and I want to apologize to everyone I ever spent time with!😒

On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2020 at 11:40 AM, n4gix said:

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.

Well...... Isn't the Hotel guy out of the $100 the hooker owed him? He never got to keep the money, soooooooo....... 

Edited April 20, 20206 yr by n4gix
Trimmed excessive quoting!

Pumphandle is well off. Over here in Europe we are just doing the same with a few billions. Not a stimulus, we call it a transfer union, sounds even better, doesn't it? And HighFlyer, you are of course right, the one at the end of the creditor chain, that's the one who pays. 

1 hour ago, HiFlyer said:

Well...... Isn't the Hotel guy out of the $100 the hooker owed him? He never got to keep the money, soooooooo....... 

Well yes, of course! That however is the point!

When the government issues "stimulus money" no matter how many intermediaries, ultimately the government winds up still owing the money from whom it was borrowed...

I should add that too closely analyzing humor sort of ruins the joke.

Central banks around the world are preparing to monetize deficit (i.e. "print money") to avoid having an even deeper economic collapse. And every economist in the world will say that it's the right thing to do in this situation (except maybe a few weirdos still clinging to a pre-keynesian gold standard).

However Fr. Bill the joke was very good _and_ much more meaningful that it seems. 🙂