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Ps762

Do you know anyone who never got married?

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Hi!

 

Thought I'd change the pace a bit and ask a question about somthing I've been thinking about on and off for a while now. Apologies if it's a little heavy! Anyway was just wondering if anyone knows anyone who never got married in life or had a partner when older and how did they handle it. I only know my aunt but she lives with me and my parents. Anyway the fact is I have a very real chance of never getting married in life which doesn't really bother me too much. However what I worry about is becoming too isolated. I do try and do stuff socially in the real world and stuff but to be honest I never really get anywhere and find it quite exhausting. Anyway most of my relatives are spread all over the World and we see little of each other and as guys get married they get busy and we kinda lose touch. The problem I have is that I've seen a few relatives and stuff become more isolated from a social circle or family and stuff and it has led from what I've seen to problems with mental illness particularly dementia and stuff. I don't know if it's because of my personality or my circumstances but people do tell me I'm kinda an outsider (someone even bought me the book "The Outsider" for my birthday!). Anyway I don't mind about that and I know people have much much bigger problems. However is there a trick to being an older guy living on his own and not losing your mind!

 

Anyway this is probably not the right forum but I really don't like health forums!

 

Sorry if it's a bit heavy!

 

Many thanks.

 

P.

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Hello there!

 

A couple of dear friends of mine are single and "over the hill". They seem to enjoy themselves, and the divorced guys envy them. So why not look at it a different way? You've never been divorced!!! ^_^ I'm going on 24 and dating, while most of my high school friends have found their significant other and married (some of them calling me a womanizer which offends me greatly [they're jealous]) --humor--. This was depressing for a while, but I have come to terms with being a fortunate aviation professional with no strings attached (for now). There's always a silver lining.

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i was married 2 years and then spent 8 years in divorce court fighting over kids and money. My wedding cost $30 000 and my divorce cost me $200 000. STAY SINGLE :lol:

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Like the old saying goes... "Why marry?? Find someone you hate and just give them 80% of your posessions" Lol!!

 

For the record, am once divorced and happily remarried!

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However what I worry about is becoming too isolated

 

This is unfortunately a modern day phenomenon!

As human beings we were/are programmed to live in groups,like other related creatures such as chimps,gorillas etc.

This bonding with other beings is very important for us humans,both physically,and emotionally.

Keep your social life as active as you can,and try to form as many meaningfull relationships with people,as you can.

Join a social club,or pick up a hobby that is not singular in nature.This will broaden your contact with others,

and great relationships can be formed.

Dating sites are also a good way of meeting people.

 

Do not worry too much about not being married.I know many guys that are married, and they envy the single blokes!

 

Best Regards.

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Hi!

 

Many thanks for the replies and tips. At least one of the things I'm very lucky with in life is that I don't really have to worry about money. I'm not really rich or anything but I live with my parents and they don't mind and my Dad made enough money and I don't really spend anything as I don't really do that much! I am thankful for this every day as without it I would probably be living in a shelter or wandering around the countryside begging or something. I really don't know.

 

Sometimes I get together with old schoolfriends but we are so different now that I've kinda given up. It got to the point where we would go out and they would talk and laugh among themselves and totally ignore me even though I was standing right there. If i tried to add something or join in they would say something back and then ignore me again. So I kinda stopped doing that as it wasn't really good for anyone.

 

I have one friend now who travels a lot with work but I see every few months for an hour or so. We are both into music quite a lot so can talk about that which is good. And he tells me stories about his travelling around the World and the people he meets and stuff which is nice to hear sometimes.

 

I can imagine divorce wouldn't be too good for me. If I lost what money (savings) I have I would be in a lot of trouble.

 

I tried internet dating once and it was a complete failure. The people on them are way too mainstream for a guy like me.

 

Anyway to get married my Mum (and me too) kinda want to marry someone of the same background. However I kinda come from a tiny minority and there are very few of us and the girls for the most part are all hot high maintenance types who I have absolutely nothing in common with and who don't enjoy my company at all.

 

Oh and I hang out with our gardener sometimes when he's round!

 

Many thanks.

 

P.

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PS762,

 

From experience, and seenig many unmitigated disasters I could actually write a book about, I can tell you, you may find a partner when you least expect it. The secret is to be happy with your own self.

 

The old saying that two halves make one is, in my view, rubbish...yuo need two whole people, two whole entities, who know who they are and what they bring to a relationship, what they can be happy with, what they can compromise about, and how to make a relationship work.

 

Reading your post I sense a little bit of "limbo" and this may not be the best way to provide you with guidance or assistance, sometimes the answers you seek are right in front of you, but you never asked the right question. For your own sake, never stop communicating. Take care of yourself, every person deserves to be happy, and can be happy, not necessarily with someone at their side....it is knowing your own person and what makes you happy that is the key here.

 

All the best,

 

Will

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Hi!

 

PS762,

 

From experience, and seenig many unmitigated disasters I could actually write a book about, I can tell you, you may find a partner when you least expect it. The secret is to be happy with your own self.

 

The old saying that two halves make one is, in my view, rubbish...yuo need two whole people, two whole entities, who know who they are and what they bring to a relationship, what they can be happy with, what they can compromise about, and how to make a relationship work.

 

Reading your post I sense a little bit of "limbo" and this may not be the best way to provide you with guidance or assistance, sometimes the answers you seek are right in front of you, but you never asked the right question. For your own sake, never stop communicating. Take care of yourself, every person deserves to be happy, and can be happy, not necessarily with someone at their side....it is knowing your own person and what makes you happy that is the key here.

 

All the best,

 

Will

 

Many thanks for the reply. Some very wise words. The point about two wholes definitely applies to my brother. He is nothing like me and a lot more confident and stuff and his wife too. I'm sure they have their problems too but both of them seem to be happy within themselves as well as together and with their kids. Anyway although he is busy he still is nice to me and tries to find time which I am grateful for. His wife doesn't really like me much but there's no rule saying she has to!

 

Anyway I don't really mean to make my life sound miserable. it really isn't. I watch movies and play flightsim sometimes and eat ice cream. These are all good things! Maybe I need to find someone else who likes doing the same!

 

Many thanks.

 

P.

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Learn to cook REAL FOOD. You'll never be alone again and will keep you healthy too. When you get tired of people, stop cooking (or just cook for you).

 

cheers,

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I am 40 years old....never married and never considered it. I would best describe myself as Happily Unmarried. I am in a Common-Law relationship though so I am just comfortable keeping it that way. I have nothing against marriage just don't feel it necessary for me.

 

Best way to keep from being isolated is to be active. For me I do a lot of Mountain Biking and Skiing, as well as travel. I do live in New Zealand away from all of my Family, I just go visit them every 2 years. So if I can live at the bottom of the world away from family, be unmarried and be happy then I would say anything is possible.

 

I met a lot of amazing people in the 2 years I lived in New Zealand now and continue in this great adventure of Life. Just get out there and do things for yourself.

 

EDIT: I agree with mabe54.....Cooking is a good one too. Enjoy the fine things in life.

 

Cheers

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I am 45 years old, and I have never been married. I do not worry about becoming isolated, because my extended family have always been close, and we see each other on a regular basis.

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Similar for me Matthew, been with my partner for nearly 6 years, not married and had our little'un in March of this year.

 

Pierre, do you work for a living?

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All depends on the person really, and there are so many different options available to people nowadays.

 

I think a part of it may be maturity, that people just don't want to commit at a younger age. I've seen people go their whole lives unmarried and unattached, and then get married at the age of 75. I think if you find the right person, marriage is a great way to commit yourself to that person and show just how serious you are about them, for others, they don't feel the need to show commitment like that. Some cultures frown upon relationships outside wedlock, others don't and that's also a factor.

 

I think the majority of people, though not all, eventually reach a point in their life when all they want to do is just spend time with one other person, they've grown tired of clubs and pubs, and sleeping with a new person every weekend. For others, they feel forced into it because all their friends now are married and have kids, their friends no longer have as much time for them and so they feel that need to do the same in order to keep themselves occupied.

 

For others, marriage isn't an option, I know many many friends that would love the opportunity to get married, but all that's open to them is "Civil Partnership", not fair in my opinion, but that's just the way the system is at this point in time. They'd give their left arm to get married and be able to have a family.

 

I've always said that you won't recognise the person at the start, even if they're right under your nose, and that the best person to marry should be your best friend, not the best looking, the funniest ect. If they're for you, then that won't really matter, because to you they will be the best looking, funniest, most interesting person on the face of the planet. I'm sure you'll find a person you want to devote the rest of your life to some day, you're probably just not at that stage in your life yet.

 

Myself, I've just celebrated my 25th wedding aniversary there a couple months back, we've been together since we were both 14, we've done all that teenage romance stuff (well I was actually 13, but right before I turned 14, so it sounds better just to say we were both 14, gotta love the older women eh?), and hopefully will be together for many years to come.

 

Regards,

Ró.

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Unless your fiance is named Kate Upton, getting married is one of the most stupid things you can do in your life.

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I have been sitting here staring at the screen for half an hour, waiting for my wife / master to leave the room so I don't get into more trouble than normal. Forty plus tears, oops! I mean, . . . years ago I thought I was getting married. It turns out that I simply fell into a well baited and set TRAP! Big%20Grin.gif Seriously we were married a the age of nineteen (to young IMHO) But we would do it all over again. We literally grew up together (matured) and learned to be each others best buddy, supporter, care giver etc. We have sacrificed a few dreams along the way for the sake of one or the other and more importantly, shared our dreams and goals merged into one.

 

I have a aunt who had her heart broken when she was very young and so swore she would never marry. She hardly ever dated and never desired a serious relationship. She worked for a bank and during a meeting with a client they agreed to finish the meeting at a coffee shop. Here we have my aunt, a very proper lady (remember miss Hathaway, the bank lady from The Beverly Hillbillies?) and this man who had never been married, was gruff and unpolished to say the least. Talk about opposites! Well you guessed it, they were married a couple of months later. Both were in their fifties. Imagine how stunned I was when my wife and I got the chance to go visit. Miss Hathaway was wearing a pair of jeans, tee shirt, bare foot and drinking a Bud! The important thing is that they were both as happy as can be.

 

I have had friends who never had a relationship that lasted a week and were happy and others that were miserable. A few were married young like my wife and me and are still married. And yet others who are on their third or fourth. Some who have been with the same partner for decades but not married.

 

It seems to me that it all depends on personality type, social environment and being just plain lucky enough to find a partner whose attributes merge with yours and yours with theirs, instead of conflicting more than each (or one) can tolerate.

 

Best regards to all,

Mel

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I LIKE being married. In fact, I'm in search of my 3rd ex-wife right now. IMHO, there's no real sense of commitment these days. Divorce is way too easy to get, and there is no social stigma about it any more. Everybody is into self-actualization, and being alone, and everybody has too many "issues", and what not, so it is felt that it's just easier to be alone. With all of the distractions we have in modern society, that's pretty understandable.

 

Pierre: I would suggest you get with a mental health professional and start there. Don't be cheap -- there is no better investment than that mae in personal resolution and soul nurturing. Trust me. My last divorce kicked the crap out of me emotionally, but I'm such a better man because of all the work I've done on myself since then! If you want to be alone, they will help you resolve that so that you are a bit more accepting of that. If you want friends, they can help you with that, too. But to have friends you have to contribute and work to get them -- it's not a one way street, and what you put in to it is EXACTLY what you will get out of it -- and you will NEVER find and keep a wife without mastering the art of friendship!

 

If you're not ready to go out for help, or don't feel it's a dire enough situation, there are a TON of self help books out there -- I've read over 100 in the year and a half since my (last) wife moved out. Personally, this guy changed my life! I HIGHLY recommend his ebooks and audio programs -- he and his wife sell many and this is the one I started with:

 

<< http://tinyurl.com/8boccca >>

 

PM me if you want.

 

Old and single, AGAIN.

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Never married here either, although, I was engaged once.

 

It still gives me shivers to think how close I came to messing up the whole works!!

 

I've been a "lone wolf" all this time, and have enjoyed it tremendously.

 

Unless your fiance is named Kate Upton

 

Always a goal, however... Super attractive people have their own problems... mostly mental, LOL... and they cost allot of money.

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Unless your fiance is named Kate Upton, getting married is one of the most stupid things you can do in your life.

 

I had to Google her....LOL

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I had to Google her....LOL

 

I wanted to Google her too... but the line is too long! LOL... sorry... its late.

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I had to google her too I didnt know who she was...luckily my computer froze while on the google results, darn technology lol.

 

 

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I'd like to add that there's no point in being a pilot and being married. Why did you want to be a pilot in the first place? Now don't tell me it was about the flying, I've seen Top Gun more than once. -_-

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I'd like to add that there's no point in being a pilot and being married. Why did you want to be a pilot in the first place? Now don't tell me it was about the flying, I've seen Top Gun more than once. -_-

 

:LMAO:

 

Top Gun is Fiction....Truth is most pilots are nerds and that former 1960's sexy perception has been dead for a very long time...LOL

 

(Sorry if I upset anyone) but Nerd is the new cool....

 

Cheers

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Hi.

 

Happily never-married here. I have a daughter of 19 years, but the relationship with her mother rapidly descended into nightmare. It took me a lo-o-o-ong time to recover from that... including a period of chemical adjustment.

 

If it's finding a partner that worries you, I think widening your social circle is the best way to start. Meeting the right person may take forty years but if you don't meet people at all, you'll never find them.

 

Sadly, there's no easy way to accept that being single is ok- we're constantly under pressure to conform, from society, from friends or acquaintances, from ourselves and our perception of the world around us. Take it from me though, living your own life is wonderfully self-indulgent and there really is nothing wrong with it. I find I don't need much company and tend to meet only with a small number of friends, and that fairly infrequently. If the people you know understand that you may get uncomfortable in company they'll make allowances for that and they'll still be your friends; you just need to open out to them first and explain how you are.

 

It seems to me that your isolation is affecting your happiness and your self-esteem. Don't worry: if you want to be a different person this page might help you get started: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm If you find from it (or any of the similar pages, there are lots of them) that you are genuinely suffering then go and see your doctor and explain what you've found out about yourself and how you'd like to be. You'll be surprised by the sympathetic and practical response to whatever difficulty you have.

 

And last, keep in mind that many adults are single for a large portion of their lives, and (in the developed world at least) one person in five will suffer depression at some time.

 

Let us know how things work out.

D

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