I have a lot to be thankful for.  Betty died less than two weeks after leaving the hospital.  My daughter and her husband and my grandson came down from Denver to help out.  And my granddaughter drove 1500 miles from Charleston to help out and she brought along her youngest son age 4.

 

A four year old full of energy and running around the house jabbering away was a perfect contrast to Betty's passing.  The house wasn't the somber place it could have been if it had not been for little Johnny.

 

That window between 80 and 100 is when we are supposed to die.  At that age death is not really a sorrowful thing.  It's expected.  It's what happens to all of us.  And it's the life they led that should be celebrated, not the death.  Betty and I were much more fortunate than most in that we had 60 years together.  She was 25 and I was 29 when we got married.  And the natural end came upon us 60 years later.  I think that was wonderful for us.  She would have been 85 in a couple of weeks.

 

My granddaughter wants me to move out to Summerville South Carolina into an old folks independent living facility to be close to her.  I think that's a good idea.  I could watch my two great grandsons and my two great granddaughters grow up.  And my granddaughter loves me so; as I do her.

 

I'm a very guy.  Maybe not the best thing to say on a wife's passing, but that's how I feel.  There will be long term remembrances, but without sorrow.  I don't want sorrow to interfere with what we had together.

 

Tomorrow I pick up Betty's ashes and I will drive out to the wildlife refuge and scatter them around the place.  She loved it so out there as a volunteer helping to count the birds.  Being government property it's illegal, but who's to know?  And I just might turn myself in after I'm finished.

 

Noel 

 

Thank you for sharing, Birdguy.  Some great perspective that I hope others will benefit from.  

Bless you Noel,

It's sad to hear of betty's passing however your positive attitude keeps you buoyant together with your family support.

Thank you Noel for being here with us and for all that you bring, you are a good man.

 

Phil

1 hour ago, birdguy said:

Being government property it's illegal...

This is yet another example of a law that truly makes no sense. It's not as though cremains are a "bio-hazard" or in any way dangerous or harmful to the environment!

Noel, I fully support your granddaughter's suggestion. My late parents spent their final years in a full service, independent living facility and loved the experience. When mom eventually developed severe Alzheimer's, she was immediately moved down to the nursing wing, which allowed my father to visit with her several times a day, usually at lunch and dinner time, but more importantly allowed him a chance to experience some much needed "me time" for his own physical and mental health.

Beginning tomorrow, a Novena of Masses will be said in Betty's memory.

Go for it Noel  You will be close to Parris Island [paradise island] lol  close to family. I would.

Edited February 11, 20233 yr by Paul Deluca

Sorry to hear about your wife, Noel...I'd wish for you that her memory always be a blessing, but it clearly already is.

Regarding a potential move...I think it's sage wisdom not to make any big life decisions soon after a loss.  Take some time to let things fall into place and then sort it out.  What seems like a good idea now may look different three to six months from now.

 

 

7 minutes ago, Bob Scott said:

Take some time to let things fall into place and then sort it out.  What seems like a good idea now may look different three to six months from now.

 

Our timeline is six months Bob.  August.  Thanks for the advice anyway.  My daughter and granddaughter are taking charge of getting rid of this big old house.  Nothing is being hurried up.

Noel

 

So sorry to hear this. May her memory be a blessing.

Cheers, Pete

Sad to hear this, Noel. My condolences.

That said, I got to say I admire your attitude in all this, and I think you are entirely correct in your reasoning. We all get old and one day when we wake up it will be our last. Realizing this brings a healthy dose of perspective of what is important in life and what isn't. 

I distinctly remember a patient I had as a young dentist fresh out from school. I saw the guys name and age on my computer screen and saw that he was only months shy of 100 years old. Me and my assistant looked at each other and we both thought 'wow, this will be a frail old man indeed'. I sent her to the waiting room to fetch him. In through the door came this very tall and well dressed gentleman. Broad shoulders, straight back and a handshake that could break bones. I had to doublecheck that we, in fact, had the right guy, and when I confirmed this we started talking. Turns out he was as intellectually sharp as his physique. The guy looked like he wasn't even 70. What he told me, however, has stuck with me since then. 

He was happy and grateful he had lived a long and healthy life, but told me in his next breath it was very bitter sweet. His wife was gone since decades. I don't even think he had any living children left at that point. All his friends from back in the days were long gone. He struck me as a profoundly lonely guy, and my illusion that a very long life always is a blessing was brutally shattered. 

I told my 8 and soon to be six year old boys this story today and when I finished they both looked at me and said 'But dad.. couldn't YOU be his friend so he didn't have to be so lonely?'. 

Condolences regarding your wife Noel.

Been praying for you.

You're a blessed man to have such a loving family.

.

Many profound words have been spoken on this thread.

Best wishes to all.

Sorry for your loss Noel - you seem to be handling it admirably.As long as you have your memories, she will always be with you.

My sincere condolences. And a big thank you for sharing bittersweet words and thoughts. 

Sorry for your loss, Noel. My condolences to all of you in your family. 

8 hours ago, n4gix said:

Beginning tomorrow, a Novena of Masses will be said in Betty's memory

Thankyou Father Bill.  Betty didn't share my afterlife beliefs and if she is right I'm sure the Novena will be appreciated.

Noel