Some of my favourites:

“There is no time like the present to present a present.”

“Too weaks ago, I kouldn’t spel technishun, now I r won.”

Here is a link to another one called the “Spel checker poem” by Mark Eckman and Jerrold H Zar. https://www.thoughtco.com/spell-checker-poem-by-mark-eckman-1692348
 

Cheers, John Cottreau

 

Sounds similar? 😲

 

1. Speaking aloud is not allowed.

2. She ate eight apples.

3. This band is banned in North Korea.

4. Every bear is bare under its fur.

5. Would you like to be a bee?

6. I've been a fan of bean for years.

7. One byte is not enough to bite the problem.

8. He blew into a blue pipe.

9. All pax on board were bored.

10. He bred animals on bread only.

11. Brake or you will break your legs!

12. She's pretty but her butt...

13. Bye-bye! I'll go by bus, so I won't buy anything.

14. I'll sell you a cell phone.

15. We sent you a scent worth a cent.

16. Could you check this cheque?

17. I know no cue on how to skip the queue.

18. Dear deer, get out of my way, please!

19. It was a decent descent, I admit.

20. She won't die if they don't dye her hair.

21. I will keep an eye.

22. Is it fair to leave the fur near this fir?

23. No flea will flee.

24. This flour smells like a flower.

25. I've been here for four years.

26. This fool is full of pride.

27. Wearing jeans is in my genes.

28. Could you grate this great celery?

29. Be grown up and don't groan!

30. The hare has a lot of hair.

31. He'll heal your heel.

32. Did you hear it here?

33. She's a real heroine, who stopped taking heroine.

34. They needed iron ore to make an oar or weapon.

35. Which witch did it?

36. It's its tail.

37. I knew you're new.

38. The main lion has the biggest mane.

39. Hi! Don't have high expectations. I won't hire you for a higher price.

40. The video will let you meet the meat.

41. There's been mourning since the morning.

42. I have a niece in Nice.

43. He won one million.

44. We need a plain explanation why the plane crashed on the plain.

45. Did you read about reed?

46. I've read this red book.

47. He rode along this road.

48. I have a sail for sale.

49. I'd like to see the sea, but I've been weak for a week.

50. Am I right right now thinking I have a right to write (about the Wright Brothers) with my right hand? 🙄

 

Edited March 7, 20206 yr by Rafal

I'd like to know why we drive on parkways, but park on driveways?

I hear the bottom of the barrel being scraped.

It's a sad fact that good English is today more often taught in countries other than England. Although American English is something else entirely, but unfortunately catching on in other countries.

Nuclear  becomes nucular,     orientate  becomes orient.  ad infinitum,  But we can't use latin expressions because no one understands them any more.

And as for the various past tenses of verbs, who needs them, when we can say 'I bin', or I gon.          

 

that's dun gon...

I caught the flu while watching smoke billow out the flue and a bird flew by!  I think I've flapped enough!

Here's a few that get right up my nose.

1: No problem. Oh good, I wouldn't want to cause the sales assistant any problems. Or 'worries' come to that.

2: Have a nice day/Have a lovely afternoon/Enjoy the rest of your day. Like they give a toss!

3: Hello there, you all right? At this one I invariably launch into a long list of aches and pains. On one occasion I answered, "My wife has left me, my house has burnt down...long pause..and to top it all, my dog just died. The checkout girl's face was a picture.

So what's wrong with "goodby"? 

My pet peeve is "sorry about that".   In the first place, the one who utters that phrase, isn't!

And it's been my observation that the English do know how to use the language, as opposed to us in the colonies.

 

And then there was the guy who flew in, caught the flu and then flew out again.  Hope it wasn't the coronavirus.

Jim

Edited March 7, 20206 yr by jmdriskell

14 hours ago, lzamm said:

My particular gripe is with the loosers who can't spell. To say nothing of those who are unable to tow the line properly.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word a re, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

3 hours ago, Biggles2010 said:

It's a sad fact that good English is today more often taught in countries other than England. Although American English is something else entirely, but unfortunately catching on in other countries.

Including England! So many Americanisms these days which is not the fault of our cousins across the pond of course. I’ll name the three I least like...

Breaking News. Who broke it and when will it get fixed? Newsflash seems a more accurate description and one used here for decades until someone decided the American one was preferable.

They passed on or passed as opposed to died.

Thank you so much is widespread on the BBC. What’s wrong with Thank you?

1 hour ago, Ray Proudfoot said:

They passed on or passed as opposed to died.

Me too (should I put a hashtag in front of that?)

Ain't life grand?

WR2D2 ...(Crikey, you've really got to watch what you write in this thread!....I almost wrote a cliche) Very interesting post

13 hours ago, Biggles2010 said:

But we can't use latin expressions because no one understands them any more

Nevertheless many people are using complex foreign words that they don't really understand to make themselves look incontinent.

Best regards

Edited March 8, 20206 yr by Lorby_SI

On 3/6/2020 at 7:19 PM, jmdriskell said:

English seems to be a collection of grunts, sniffs, snorts, coughs and other random sounds...This amalgam of sounds has evolved over time into what we now know (no?) as modern English...

The "amalgam of of sounds is still widely spoken today.... by teenagers.. 

On 3/7/2020 at 7:12 AM, lzamm said:

My particular gripe is with the loosers who can't spell. To say nothing of those who are unable to tow the line properly.

When a loser has nothing more to lose, they have no need to toe the line..

Do you use your toe to tow the line?